Boundaries or chains

Ouch! Is the first thing I said when I looked at our after Christmas shopping finances. Wow, why is it so much fun to spend that we ignore the warnings. The phrase, "Your Cup Runneth Over" is playing over and over in my head right now. Not only did the spending run over, but I can't help but think about how blessed we are. To have the money to buy any presents at all for our family is a blessing. To have a warm place to live is a blessing. I could go on and on. So why isn't it enough? Why are we always wanting more? I don't have an easy answer to the age old questions, but I can tell you what I struggle with and with that how I know God can help.

I am a person with sort of obsessive/compulsive disorder. You wouldn't believe it if you saw my life though. Most people categorize those people to be neat, clean and always on schedule. Well that is what a want in my life. In fact if my life is not like that I give up on all of it. If I can't see order then I don't even try. My brain is always wanting to make lists. Always! I want to organize everything. I can spend an hour or more at a Walmart, organizing the 5 dollar movie bin. I love doing it! But my house is always a mess. Because my brain can't figure out how to keep it clean, so I don't try. If it was only me in this house I would have everything in a perfect spot and it would never get moved. But I have never lived alone. I grew up with 1 brother and 1 sister that would move or disturb my stuff. A mom who didn't clean either and a dad that was extremely organized but was never there. I couldn't find any peace in my life. No plan that fit. No drawer big enough to hold all the messy stuff so that the rest of my life could be peaceful and organized. No one showed me how I was supposed to organize or clean up the messes. I look at a messy room and want to clean the smallest part first so that I have one organized part. The problem with that is that I make the rest of the room messier by organizing that one drawer and never have time to get the whole area clean when I focus on such the small details.
But as I get older I have learned some great things about myself.
1. I do much better if I have a deadline. Although I tend to procrastinate until close to the deadline.
2. If there is a list to follow I can follow it. ( But I do tend to always want to update my lists and make them prettier.)
3. I absolutely do very badly if there are no boundaries. Boundaries are necessarily!

We learn about boundaries often in Celebrate Recovery. Many people need boundaries to function. Life without boundaries for me, always leaves me in chains. If I don't have boundaries with my money I will end up chained to a loan company or owing the bank too much. If I don't have boundaries with my food, I am chained to my addiction. I am constantly struggling for freedom from my addictions and my habits that bind me to a life I don't want. But what I am learning is that if I want freedom I will have to apply boundaries. The idea of limiting myself is scary though. What if I do without? What if I can never get what I want? What if I feel trapped? These seem like silly questions! But these silly questions have kept me from enjoying freedom for so long. They have kept me in a comfortable madness state, too afraid to move because it is scary not knowing what will happen. But I know the truth! God is my creator, He formed me and loves me and wants the best for me. I have to truly trust Him with those feeling of doubt and fear. He will break those chains on my wrist of addiction and habits that I don't want. But I have to trust Him and do what he says. And He is telling me to apply some of those boundaries to the issues I have dealt with for so long. You see even the boundaries will fail me at some point. I will fail me, my house and drawers will always be over flowing with junk, but He can still give me that peace that I seek. The organization my heart seeks. And may this next year be a year of cleaning out the old junk drawers and making room for the good stuff that I have really longed for. Like a healthy lifestyle, that I can spend more of my time enjoying life instead of eating. That I can teach my daughter to love her life too! And I long for organization in my household. That I will have a place for everything and know how to stop clutter before it begins. And with my money, that we will stick to our budget and then have the funds to truly give to God and his people when he asks me too. I could do so much with that money if I applied boundaries.
2012 goals
make and stick to the budget and have our emergency fund accomplished (Financial Peace University)
lose 60 lbs by applying a food plan and working out.
start and maintain Joslyn's preschool schedule
Find a way to organize the house, especially Joslyn's room and my financial paperwork.
Teach Joslyn how to keep her room clean.

These are some of the goals I am setting for myself and I have started making boundary lists( I can't help it) to follow! I hope that you find some peace in 2012 also! What are some of the boundaries you have set or goals you have set for 2012?