Tonight I was inspired by one of my dear friends to pick up my Bible. I will be honest with you, I don't read my Bible as often as I should. I love to go to church and gain God's wisdom through the teaching and the life lessons, but I have neglected the Word. I am not sure why reading it is so difficult. Perhaps, its the thought that it will be boring and I won't understand it. Or maybe its because I don't want to hear what God has for me to learn. I think both apply actually. My big life change has to be spiritual as well as physical and emotional. God is my savior and my friend, my comforter and my provider. But I am despirately needing to see Him as my guide. Too many times in this life do I let the world choose how I am to live. My friends, the television, society, even my enemies make my choices for me. I want God to guide me, and I think that I have finally made the decision to read His Word and see where he takes me.
Tonight I read Hosea chapter 1 & 2. A wonderful story of how a nation fell away from God and how he used many trials and heartaches to get them back. He related this whole story to a marriage, in which God told Hosea to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him and would have children by other men, but would come back to him in the end. Hosea knew ahead of time that she would cheat, but he obeyed God.
What a guy! What an example of obedience towards God! I don't know if i can be that faithful. But, I want to! I want to obey God even if I know that my world will fall apart. Only He, can help me become the person I want to be. I want Joslyn to know of God's love and mercy. I want her to see His miracles and know the blessings that God gives when you serve others.
I have known of the blessings that come with service. I have served in the church, many different ones, almost my whole life. I love the feeling I get when I am being His hands and feet. But, I love that feeling too much. I need that feeling to bring up my self esteem. I wain for the acceptance that comes with doing for others. I realized this when I went through Celebrate Recovery and did the 12 steps. I just haven't changed. God has been very merciful with me and has allowed me to help so many people, through Him only. But upon doing this, I have been able to keep the focus on others and not my shortcomings. I have ignored my family's needs in order to serve, many times and I don't want to do that anymore. Also, I have recently discovered that I will stay somewhere I am not supposed to stay, because I was commited to serving those people. I don't want to go to a church because I can serve there. I want to go to a church because that is where God wants me. I don't want to leave my family to serve, when I know that I am needed at home. My God must come first and my family must come second. Service should be God breathed, and I believe that when it is, that everything else will fall in line.
So, in order to put the focus of my attentions back on God and not on serving, I am going on what I call a serving strike, for 1 year. I have started going back to Celebrate Recovery and I am anxious to see where God is going to lead me next. This is the first time that I can recall that I am not committing to a church or a service project. Believe me, this is scarier then going to a holy roller church. Not making a plan, not scheduling, God is leading. I feel that this will be a wonderful discovery for me and my family. And I hope through out it all, we will be a stronger family, but mostly I want to be closer to God and know that where I have been on this discovery, He has lead me!
PS. the picture is the view from my front porch!