How we are doing!

Well I thought I would do a slight update on my 6 goals. Since I am less than 3 years away from my goals, things look a little daunting. But even though, I am excited about my progress. God is slowly working in me changing the way I think and act. I have seen such progress in myself since I started this blog almost 2 years ago. Yes two years! In April it will be two years exactly and although, my blog sometimes veers off track I really believe that my original goals that I just jotted down are the things that God is working with me on. Now I am not blogging because I am a new mom with so many new experiences that I NEED an outlet. I am blogging with the full purpose of reaching others through Christ as He changes my quality of life.
1. Lose 150 lbs. Well I haven't accomplished this goal and since I haven't been weighing myself, I can't tell if I have lost anything. But, for the first time in my life I am getting up and going to the gym without outside motivation and I am addicted to a certain yoga class. In fact though I am the fattest girl in there, I feel like I belong, and that I am accomplishing more and more. Today I bought my first yoga mat and I feel like a proud yogaee (Is that a word?)! I remember when my friend Abby bought her first hiking pack and her excitement that she really was becoming a hiker. I feel that since of accomplishment, and I am hoping that eventually I will have that much success! I have to believe that!

2.Go green. Truthfully I have no idea where God is headed with us on this, since we had to move from country, where we could of had a garden and stored half of a cow and done many other green things, to an apartment. My goal is to try and start a small and I mean really small container garden of herbs this spring on my little porch. If I can keep those alive, then we will see about more. We have been recycling like crazy though. My hubby gets sick of the bags of recycled plastics, paper and tin cans that I collect. I try and take them every week because we litterally have no room to store them. But it is amazing to me how much stuff we could have been recycling all these years and didn't. My trash can doesn't have to be emptied as often and we recycle glass jars for my craft collection. We also collect those baby wipe containers and the plastic round big ice cream buckets for homeschool and craft stuff.

3.Become adventurous. On my list of 150 new things to try I have accomplished 15. And number 14 was completed the other day, because my passport has arrived. It is in a blue shiny new book and it looks so wonderful and it is so pretty! Just have to use it! When I look at the amount of time left and my still growing list of stuff to do I am bummed.  But when I remember how special some of my adventures have been and how they have slowly gotten me out of my comfort zone. Like when I walked on eggshells to remember that I would never again walk on eggshells for anyone. Or when I had my first food fight! So I know that God is really changing me through each small adventure and each time I meet new people and feel a little more confident about who God made me to be! Always stay tuned for more adventures, sometimes I schedule them and sometimes they just happen.

4.Enrich my marriage. Well I am feeling much more confident about this goal then some of the others. God has really blessed me in this department. And the reason I say this is not because I have been working on it. REALLY!!! When I took my first blue chip in CR over 4 years ago, I surrendered my marriage. And really I don't have much trouble with trying to take control over my marriage anymore. I think one of the best reasons is because I am so open about me being in recovery for codependency. I have changed so much in the ways I try and conrol others and my situations. And with me being so open about my vulnerablity I have seen amazing changes in my hubby. He is much more open with me too! Our communication has never been better and although we still have troubles like other couples do, we seem to be able to have the tools to handle them. I also have really been humbled by my friend's marriages ending and marriages mending. It makes it really easy to value what you have when you have watched your friends lose what they love.

5.Teach Joslyn to enjoy life and love others by example. Ouch this is one I really need to work on. Since I really struggle with this stage of Joslyn's life, I have trouble viewing my progress on this. And we have gone back and forth about homeschooling which would give me more time to teach her. But I think that she is going to grow up to be a very respectful young woman and I already see the love capability in her. And as far as enjoying life I know that she will. I know that providing everything a child wants does not make them happy. And happiness is not the same as joyfulness. Happiness is temporary. But I do believe that she will be reasonably happy. She has a very active imagination! My imagination has always helped me out in boring times, especially in high school, where I had my visions of my dream husbands planned down to the color of the carpet and the shoes on their feet. She is a very active child. I plan on keeping her with an active lifestyle and helping her as much as possible to not have my food addiction and laziness. And she is so curious. Although curiousity usually leads kids to trouble, it also brings them to try new things and experience life in a way I strive to!

6. Grow closer to God. Well that is apparant even to me! I feel with each new experience and each new trial God is pulling me closer and knocking down those walls I have built between us. Reading the entire Bible is something I plan on starting soon. But starting a new ministry is something I never knew that would happen and it has. Corinthian Writers is growing and we are now looking to expand and start adding writers to our group. Why because up until now God has provided each writer and girl as needed and we are so blessed for that. But He is showing us that we need to take a leap of faith and start ministering to a certain group home. I won't mention the home yet until it is finalized (we are in the beginning stages now) but we will require many more devoted ladies and gents that would like to commit to writing a hand written letter a month to a girl or boy that could use some encouragement. Some of the stipulations are that you need to have a strong faith in the Lord and you would need to take this ministry very seriously as we do, wanting to encourage and not destroy and lead to the Lord not away from the Lord. So it doesn't matter where you live, but if you would pray about this and see if this ministry is something you need to be involved in, then please contact me.

Thank you again for all of your comments and support as I continue on this path of enlightenment. My question for you would be: have you seen a change in me since you have started reading and what do you look forward to me accomplishing most on my goals? Have a great week!

Joslyn my blessing

She's wild! She's crazy! She's a toddler and here to stay!

I don't post on Joslyn often because she is my constant. My one thing that I see everyday, 24/7. I am not saying that mothering is hard. Oh who am I kidding? Mothering is very hard. I do my darnedest to keep my blog encouraging. And because of my mommy state, I am not always in an encouraging state with her. I know, I know you thought I was always happy right? LOL! Right? But I did want to let you know some of the things that Joslyn has been doing lately. Some of my followers do not follow me on Facebook so they don't hear about what Joslyn is up to.

Joslyn is funny!

My husband said that the toddler stage is fun, and for the most part I disagree with him. But Joslyn says some of the funniest things now and then and she usually keeps us cracking up. (Putey-putey) means Hokey Pokey! (Swimming Soup) means swimming suit! (Milt) means Milk! (baby edds) is eggs in a nest! (Cubbers) means covers! For the most part we understand what she is saying, but sometimes John and I will look at each other and say what was that? She talks in complete sentences now and I remember the days I was begging for one word. Mommy is really bad about calling John Daddy in front of her, so she also calls Daddy (Don). I really try not to laugh when she does it.

Joslyn loves TV     

When I pregnant with this little monkey I swore that TV was not going to be a big part of her life. And I knew that kids that watched too much T.V weren't very active and I wanted Joslyn to be active. What I didn't know was that Joslyn was going to be a very active kid and getting her to sit down at all would be a problem. As soon as she started walking, this momma was in trouble. Even to make dinner was an issue. She wanted to be next to me at all times. Hanging under my feet and if not tearing up something, like my Bible and phone books. Until Mr. Barney came into her life. I know most people hate Barney! But at our house Barney was a life saver for this momma. I could put Barney on and she would actually stop and watch it. I was able to make dinner or do the dishes. Barney also taught her words like (pease) and (Dank U) please and thank you. Right now she isn't into Barney as much. Her favorite shows are D,D,D,Dora, Dinosaur (Twain) Train, (Penguins) Backyardagins, and (Cliffor) Clifford. We do watch a little more TV than I would like right now, but I am limiting it slowly and I have noticed that she learns really well visually, which is good. That means that the TV and Computer will be good teaching tools when we start school. 

Joslyn does not like breakfast

Sometimes as hard as we try some of our bad qualities rub off on our kids. Eating breakfast has never been easy for me. I much rather have a Dr. Pepper breakfast instead of food. Even when I was growing up I rarely ate breakfast. I know how much breakfast is important for Joslyn and me, so I try and get something made for breakfast. But Even though she is an early riser (opposite of me) she usually wont eat her breakfast until later that morning. And I believe she doesn't like eggs because of me either. I really have trouble eating eggs. Sometimes I can have them, but most of the time I cannot. Joslyn doesn't like them. But this is not new, Joslyn doesn't like a lot of food. She is so very picky about food. We struggle and struggle over food, which is no surprise since I am a food addict. I cringe every time she gives food to the dogs because she doesn't like something. Or throws it on the floor. But I know that toddlers wasting stuff is normal, but I fight against it. Waste is so hard for me to deal with, but I do. Because most of the wasting bothers me because of my addiction and not because of normal reasons. I try and question my motives and see why I get so upset over lost food. If she is really being wasteful on purpose then we deal with it and if not then I cringe in private and clean it up (if the dogs haven't already) and move on. Some of the foods she does like is peanut butter and jelly on tortillas (John started that), applesauce,  dino chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, french fries and all types of bread and crackers and sweet stuff. She is a carb lover and a sweet lover that makes me cringe too.

Joslyn loves to play

Joslyn loves so many things. She can pick a (Donalds) McDonalds out from a mile away. She loves playing there and likes eating the french fries. She is starting to get into dolls and dress up, but she loves blocks and dinosaurs too. She loves to sing, which makes Momma's heart melt. Her favorite songs right now are Twinkle Twinkle little star and Row, Row Row your boat, ABC song, Wheels on the bus, Sunny day from Signing Time, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Little Teapot, Pat a cake, and any song from Barney. I think she will have my families musical talent, which is good because it brings us so much joy. Joslyn likes (pieces) which is puzzles. We work on some everyday. She likes to read, she doesn't really have a favorite book right now. Although we bought a Dinosaur Train book last night, which might become her favorite. She loves all things dinosaur train. She often says (Aww Aboardddd) and (Tickets pease)! She likes to dump out her toys mostly, she might be a wrecking ball operator when she grows up. Because this girl can make a mess in minutes! She loves to color and we are currently trying to find her a Dora coloring book. She likes to play with playdough and loves loves loves torturing the dogs. All day long I am onto her and the dogs to leave each other alone. Nickie likes to growl at her when she gets too close and she thinks it's funny and goes over and picks on him. And then when Joslyn has food in her hands Nickie follows her around and tries to swipe her food out of her hands. She loves time with friends and loves the water. Definately going to be a fish this one!

Joslyn IS

Stubborn. Super smart. Beautiful. Selfish. A miracle. A blessing. A pain. Curious. A fighter. Destructive. Sweet. My heart. My life. My daughter. 

To Emulate or Not to Emulate

em·u·late

   [v. em-yuh-leyt; adj. em-yuh-lit]  Show IPAverb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing, adjective

verb (used with object)

1.

to try to equal or excel; imitate with effort to equal or surpass: to emulate one's father as a concert violinist (dictionary.com)

I always thought emulate meant copy but when I read the full description I was surprised at the surpass part. Secretly we all want to be better. Better at maintaining our work, better at being a mom, better than our neighbor. Nah, none of us want to better than another person. Right? Well I don't know about you but I fight that urge all the time. 

Common codependent behavior, strive for excellence! Don't let anything keep you from doing your best. Well, I would love to say that I always do my best, but that would be a flat out lie. Nobody can do their best all of the time? I would even risk saying that most people don't even do their best most of the time. 

We tell our kids to do their best but do we prepare them for failure too. If we constantly strive for excellence and then don't get it, what happens? Do you get disappointed? Do you get angry? Do you work harder? 

Unrealistic expectations is a word I hear a lot in Celebrate Recovery. It isn't until I examined my life that I realized I had some unrealistic expectations of people. I expected my husband to shoulder the weight of my issues and my baggage. I didn't even know that I was doing it.  I expected my mom to be able to be there for me anytime I wanted, when my dad left. I didn't consider the toll it took on her and how much she did sacrifice. I realized that I was setting myself up for failure if I strive for excellence in everything and of everyone. 

When someone disappoints us we need to see where we went wrong too. Were we expecting too much out of them? Were we holding that prize a little too high so that it was impossible for them to reach it? I used to do this to a coworker. I didn't mean to always, but she was so hard for me to love. We differed on so much, but what really bothered me about her was what we did the same. Everything was a competition. Who could do their work better. Who had the better car. Who looked better. Who helped others better. What a contradiction to what Christ had done for us. But, I didn't realize why we fought each other. I think I saw things in her that she did that I didn't like and deep down I knew I struggled with the same thing. Her life pointed out my failures on an hourly basis. But instead of working through them I pretended that her faults were the plank and I only had sawdust if any. What a shame! I took a potential friend and child of God and turned them into an enemy. We emulated each other to the breaking point.  

One of my big fears about homeschooling is that I will set unrealistic expectations on Joslyn and not see how I am setting her up to fail. So to combat that I am praying now for guidance and compassion. Forgiveness and boldness. She is very strong willed as a toddler and we struggle through many things right now. From brushing her hair to nap time, even the simplest things can become a battle if I let them. So I try and remember to pick my battles. Is it really important to fight with her about this? If I let her have her way is it going to be dangerous or damaging to her or what we are trying to accomplish? Most importantly, I want to remember that in failing their are lessons too. Like forgiveness, and asking for help, and compassion, and helping others because you have been there too! That is what God designed our lives to be, to help each other. That is why He lets us go through the storm instead of removing it.  

Emulating isn't always bad. It is impossible for us to not copy each other, in my opinion. Sometimes we take someones idea and make it our own or make it better. That is how most things were invented. Joslyn emulates me all the time and every time she does she is learning. Learning word sounds and numbers and emotions and reactions. For example she has learned the word NOW because mommy says pick up your cup Joslyn and when she doesn't do as told, Mommy usually adds the word now with a firm voice. Joslyn will say to me "Cracker! Now! It is funny how you don't even realize the words you say until your toddler says them. After all I picked up my talking habits from emulating those around me. And they emulated someone else. 

I am trying to learn the best home school techniques by emulating the home school mothers I know that do it well. I have gotten on a home school website and look for ideas and tools and tricks of the trade. I follow advise and give advise too. God made us each unique with different situations and different ideas. If we put our ideas together, we can come up with the best ideas. But our ideas won't work for everyone and we have to give credit where credit is due. I try and remember that the idea is no more important than the person. If it is someone's idea I ask and then if they say no, then move on to something else. God will work on their heart and He will work on you too. These are some things that I am learning everyday!