How we are doing!

Well I thought I would do a slight update on my 6 goals. Since I am less than 3 years away from my goals, things look a little daunting. But even though, I am excited about my progress. God is slowly working in me changing the way I think and act. I have seen such progress in myself since I started this blog almost 2 years ago. Yes two years! In April it will be two years exactly and although, my blog sometimes veers off track I really believe that my original goals that I just jotted down are the things that God is working with me on. Now I am not blogging because I am a new mom with so many new experiences that I NEED an outlet. I am blogging with the full purpose of reaching others through Christ as He changes my quality of life.
1. Lose 150 lbs. Well I haven't accomplished this goal and since I haven't been weighing myself, I can't tell if I have lost anything. But, for the first time in my life I am getting up and going to the gym without outside motivation and I am addicted to a certain yoga class. In fact though I am the fattest girl in there, I feel like I belong, and that I am accomplishing more and more. Today I bought my first yoga mat and I feel like a proud yogaee (Is that a word?)! I remember when my friend Abby bought her first hiking pack and her excitement that she really was becoming a hiker. I feel that since of accomplishment, and I am hoping that eventually I will have that much success! I have to believe that!

2.Go green. Truthfully I have no idea where God is headed with us on this, since we had to move from country, where we could of had a garden and stored half of a cow and done many other green things, to an apartment. My goal is to try and start a small and I mean really small container garden of herbs this spring on my little porch. If I can keep those alive, then we will see about more. We have been recycling like crazy though. My hubby gets sick of the bags of recycled plastics, paper and tin cans that I collect. I try and take them every week because we litterally have no room to store them. But it is amazing to me how much stuff we could have been recycling all these years and didn't. My trash can doesn't have to be emptied as often and we recycle glass jars for my craft collection. We also collect those baby wipe containers and the plastic round big ice cream buckets for homeschool and craft stuff.

3.Become adventurous. On my list of 150 new things to try I have accomplished 15. And number 14 was completed the other day, because my passport has arrived. It is in a blue shiny new book and it looks so wonderful and it is so pretty! Just have to use it! When I look at the amount of time left and my still growing list of stuff to do I am bummed.  But when I remember how special some of my adventures have been and how they have slowly gotten me out of my comfort zone. Like when I walked on eggshells to remember that I would never again walk on eggshells for anyone. Or when I had my first food fight! So I know that God is really changing me through each small adventure and each time I meet new people and feel a little more confident about who God made me to be! Always stay tuned for more adventures, sometimes I schedule them and sometimes they just happen.

4.Enrich my marriage. Well I am feeling much more confident about this goal then some of the others. God has really blessed me in this department. And the reason I say this is not because I have been working on it. REALLY!!! When I took my first blue chip in CR over 4 years ago, I surrendered my marriage. And really I don't have much trouble with trying to take control over my marriage anymore. I think one of the best reasons is because I am so open about me being in recovery for codependency. I have changed so much in the ways I try and conrol others and my situations. And with me being so open about my vulnerablity I have seen amazing changes in my hubby. He is much more open with me too! Our communication has never been better and although we still have troubles like other couples do, we seem to be able to have the tools to handle them. I also have really been humbled by my friend's marriages ending and marriages mending. It makes it really easy to value what you have when you have watched your friends lose what they love.

5.Teach Joslyn to enjoy life and love others by example. Ouch this is one I really need to work on. Since I really struggle with this stage of Joslyn's life, I have trouble viewing my progress on this. And we have gone back and forth about homeschooling which would give me more time to teach her. But I think that she is going to grow up to be a very respectful young woman and I already see the love capability in her. And as far as enjoying life I know that she will. I know that providing everything a child wants does not make them happy. And happiness is not the same as joyfulness. Happiness is temporary. But I do believe that she will be reasonably happy. She has a very active imagination! My imagination has always helped me out in boring times, especially in high school, where I had my visions of my dream husbands planned down to the color of the carpet and the shoes on their feet. She is a very active child. I plan on keeping her with an active lifestyle and helping her as much as possible to not have my food addiction and laziness. And she is so curious. Although curiousity usually leads kids to trouble, it also brings them to try new things and experience life in a way I strive to!

6. Grow closer to God. Well that is apparant even to me! I feel with each new experience and each new trial God is pulling me closer and knocking down those walls I have built between us. Reading the entire Bible is something I plan on starting soon. But starting a new ministry is something I never knew that would happen and it has. Corinthian Writers is growing and we are now looking to expand and start adding writers to our group. Why because up until now God has provided each writer and girl as needed and we are so blessed for that. But He is showing us that we need to take a leap of faith and start ministering to a certain group home. I won't mention the home yet until it is finalized (we are in the beginning stages now) but we will require many more devoted ladies and gents that would like to commit to writing a hand written letter a month to a girl or boy that could use some encouragement. Some of the stipulations are that you need to have a strong faith in the Lord and you would need to take this ministry very seriously as we do, wanting to encourage and not destroy and lead to the Lord not away from the Lord. So it doesn't matter where you live, but if you would pray about this and see if this ministry is something you need to be involved in, then please contact me.

Thank you again for all of your comments and support as I continue on this path of enlightenment. My question for you would be: have you seen a change in me since you have started reading and what do you look forward to me accomplishing most on my goals? Have a great week!

Week 2

Here is how my morning should have gone.

Wake to a beautiful smiling little girl who has slept through the night, right at 6:30. Be refreshed from my 8 hours of sleep. Have John hop into the shower then get dressed while I get the smiling pumpkin her morning milk and we snuggle for a little while. Then while daddy is walking the very patient doggies outside before they have made accidents in the house, this momma is getting dressed and ready to workout. Then daddy helps Joslyn get dressed, her cooperating the entire way, making the dressing sequence easy and quick. Meanwhile momma is in the kitchen making our new breakfast treats. Afterward, daddy, momma and darling daughter sit at the perfectly clean table and finish all of breakfast, daddy does some work at the computer while Joslyn and momma do puzzle and calendar time. Then we brush our teeth and all head out the door together, with a loving kiss goodbye.

This is how my morning actually went.

3:00 Joslyn awakes and I get up and put her back to bed
3:45 repeat first line.
5:00 wake up to Jinger getting ready to throw up in the bed next to my head, get her down off the bed in time to her her throw up on the carpet. Vow to clean it up when I get up.
6:45 Joslyn wakes up and asks to watch Dora, I get her milk and tell her no and we head back to bed together.
6:55 Joslyn asks daddy for her Clifford dog and they go on a hunt for Clifford while momma crawls back under the blanket. She is extra tired since she decided to stay up last night and finish her book.
7:10 daddy gets  dressed, to walk the dogs and finds out that Jinger didn't wait for him to take her out. She has been rebelling for the last few months on going potty in the house, we think it is because she is not getting as much attention as before and that she doesn't have a yard anymore.
7:15 momma gets diaper bag ready and starts making breakfast. Daddy gets Joslyn dressed and it takes a long time, because Joslyn hates having her diaper changed and clothes put on.
7:35 we eat breakfast and momma goes to get dressed.
7:40 daddy leaves and momma finishes getting ready while Joslyn walks around with her breakfast and spills it on the floor.
7:45-7:55 momma steam cleans the 3 areas on the floors in different rooms very thouroghly. And grumbles the whole way.
7:55 -8:00 momma tries to get out the door, not forgetting anything, trying not to yell at Joslyn the whole time to come on and stop running and hold my hand and and and.....
8:05 we are on our way to the gym.

Well as you can see, my goals are not always realistic. Messes and delays are an every moment part of my life right now. Throw up and poop are much more prevailant in my life then I would like them to be. But, the important part to this story is that even though life doesn't always go how I want it, I don't let the craziness win. I shouldn't let the hardship in life make me quit, but instead let it guide me to peace. The devil has been working hard to derail me from this new goal. Sickness and difficulties keep trying to keep me from getting the motivation to go to the gym. The devil knows that this area in my life is a big surrender to me. Surrendering the comfort of the couch to having faith that God with help me achieve through the pain. The devil knows that being heavy has been my life long crutch. The one thing that I held highest in my life. The comfort from the food and the fear of change keeping me in a sitting position with God. Using it as an excuse to not move, to not be useful for him in ways that are scary. The devil doesn't want me to give up those comforts and fears. He wants me to hold onto the past instead of trusting in God. But he is just an obsticle that is nothing to God. When I started to trust Him, by completely surrendering these exercise hurts and fears and by trusting Him, I started to see these little things as chances to overcome. Sickness will not keep me down. Delay will not keep me sitting still. Fears will not crush this motivation. I am worth the change!

As we move into week 2 of exercising I have learned a little and grown a little. First I have learned that 2 hours is not as long as I thought it would be. After dropping off Joslyn in Child watch, I have exactly 2 hours to work out before I have to pick her up. That includes trekking back and forth to the different rooms and equipment and the locker room. I made it to 30 minutes on the treadmill, which is a huge accomplishment for me but that left only 30 minutes to do the rest of my planned workout before my 55 minute yoga class started. So unfortunately, I am going to have to play around with my schedule before I get it just right.  I also have implemented a new breakfast plan for our family. We have spent the money and have decided to do fruit Smoothies for breakfast, since none of us are breakfast eaters, but it is way too long to wait to eat till after we get back from the gym. This morning we had strawberry, banana yogurt Smoothies, they were good, I just have to remember to make Joslyn sit at the table with them if I don't want to be cleaning her floor every morning. Also, I have decided not to push myself into the Pilates class yet. I didn't go on Monday to the Pilates and was able to have time to take a shower after my workout,  and that was fabulous! I think that for sanity sake I will just do the yoga and my scheduled workouts and that means I can have a little time on Mondays and Wednesdays to shower alone and collect myself.

I hope that your year goals are going well and are moving you closer to the path God designed you on. What challenges have you had this year and are they stopping you?

One step at a time

This morning as I entered the gym I was apprehensive. Yesterday's Mat Pilates class had left me sore and feeling fat. I was by far the thickest person there and felt completely out of place. The people in the group seemed really nice but they also seemed like a group I wouldn't fit into. The exercises were very hard and the positions were unattainable for me. But, I was proud of myself for finishing the class and feel confident that after a good amount of time I will not only be able to do the class well, but that I will enjoy it. The classes I have chosen are not only good for me but they are calming! Having a toddler, I feel constantly stressed and overwhelmed. I wanted part of my workout time to seem like a respute. A place to destress and forget about my troubles.

This morning I walked into the yoga class and assumed that I would feel out of place again, but I was surprisingly wrong. The instructor saw that I was new and came over and introduced herself. She helped me get what equipment I would need and made me really feel welcome.  I quickly realized that I had chosen the spot right next to her. Panic ensued in my brain as I realized that the whole class would see all of the moves I couldn't do. But I noticed the class was full and that I wouldn't be able to move. So I looked at it as a positive thing. I would be able to see everything she did, without having to strain or look around someone. When the class started, I was very glad to be in it. So grateful for the teacher who helped me during the class. She was clear about what she wanted me to do and I heard that the class was easier than normal from some people talking in the bzthroom, and I think that was because of me. Afterwards, she asked how I felt and told me that it would get easier if I kept coming. This made me feel good, cause I want to keep going! :-) I am going back to both classes, the mat Pilates will make me feel like I am really accomplishing something each time it gets easier. And the yoga was enjoyable and really calming. When she would talk about clearing the mind I focused on the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that you will make all things right as I surrender to your will. So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next! Amen

After my yoga class I met my training coach and set up my new workout plan. The Y has a program called mobile fit that uses a computer system to plan and track my workouts. I put in my goals and told it when I would workout and it and she set up what machines I should use. It was really great! I am looking forward to getting on there and checking off those workouts. I was entering my goaks for the year and if I only lose 2 pounds a week, by this time next year I can be down 100 pounds! I still will have more to lose but I am super excited about that goal! I can't even fathom being 100 pounds lighter! I would then be smaller then I was when I got married!

So, please pray for me that I continue to see the value in myself enough to keep going, and that Joslyn stays healthy so I don't have to miss my workouts. PS as a side note, God has been so good to us, Joslyn has enjoyed going to the child watch facility and has not wanted to leave.

Thank you in advance for your support. I love and pray for you all to obtain your goals for this year!

Sometimes we just need help!

Failure is a thing that defeats us all! No one is immune to failure. Sometimes though we live like it doesn't affect us. Get back up and brush it off, pretend it didn't happen. Maybe not such a great idea? I am all for getting back up, but I am not necessarily for pretending that it didn't happen. Learning from our mistakes, means admitting to them. Now that I am a mom I realize the value of that statement "Learn from others mistakes". After all, don't we want to keep our kids from falling into the same traps we did? But many times our kids do fall into those traps and  many other traps. Failure and mistakes are a part of life. But denying that they don't affect us moves us back into position to fall for the trap again. In recovery stepping out of Denial is the first step to freedom.
1.  We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.


Wanna know the good part about failure? Yes there is a good part. We get to enjoy the success that follows multiple failures. If we didn't fail, success wouldn't be sweet! It really wouldn't. I used to envy those 16 year olds at my school that got new cars immediately after passing their driving test. While I was stuck driving an old beat up jalopy that I shared with my mom and brother and sister. But, eventually I got to see the value in having to work for what I have.  When my husband and I bought our first car, we were over the moon. Or at least I was. Getting to drive something new was such a privilege after having to endure driving cars that smoked and had rusted out seats.  My point is that we can not only learn from failure but that failure can drive us to the point where we actually achieve. Not one successful person out there can actually say that they achieved success without multiple failures. 


My latest failure involves being able to get off my rear and get myself to the gym today. I had no excuse that was valid, but I used everyone of them. So in order to achieve success after failure after failure; I have asked my sweet hubby to help me. Yeah that is right! I am actually crazy enough to ask my husband to get me out of the house in the morning when he leaves and when he heads to work, Joslyn and I head to the gym. Monday through Thursday. I have 2 reasons for this. First of all, if I can get out of the house then I will not have a problem going to the gym, its the getting out of the house that is my weakness. So he is going to help me get Joslyn ready and we are going to leave together. The second reason is that I need to get into a routine that gets Joslyn and I on schedule for Home school. I am terrified that I am going to be too lazy to achieve her schedule if I don't get into one myself. I was so good about being to work on time and being efficient with my time when I had a job. But now that I make my own schedule, we can't seem to make it on time to things. So I ask for your prayers for me to get into a schedule and for me also to not take my bad mornings out on my husband.  He is a good man for offering to do this! I need so badly for this to be the time I make my life more important than my food addiction. I am stepping out of denial and asking for help. 


Now that I shared with you, can you share with me some of your latest failures? I hope that I am not alone in this. Let's be a community and pray for each other's success! 

Food Plan!

Gonna half to come up with a food plan! Fun huh! The good thing is that I know where to start. I just don't know how to finish. LOL, now that I think about it I have never known how to finish anything. The forever challenge of creativity is stickability. OK so that isn't a real word. I know! But being able to finish something. That is hard to do! I have millions of brilliant ideas that never come to fruition. I start projects and leave them half done. Maybe just maybe this is the project I finish! I need to finish this. For Joslyn's sake and mine. I am tired of being fat and lazy. I have a skinny girl in me that wants to get out and live! My adventure list, my dreams, my hopes all depend on me being healthy!
Okay enough soapbox!

Food plan Ideas:

eat six times a day (6 week body makeover proved to me that this changes my metabolism)
eat protein with every meal (another metabolism increasing trick)
eat carbs that are good for my body (potatoes and rice are good carbs, breads and pasta are bad carbs)
eat fruits 3 times a day ( this is hard because I am not a natural fruit lover)
eat veggies all day ( good veggies like squash, spinach, cucumbers, broccoli, and stay away from starchy veggies which are the only ones I like right now)
drink water (sadly I don't drink much of anything)
limit sodium ( if I fix all of my meals this is easy to do)
set rewards for goals lost ( making sure that they are not food)
focus on my long term goals ( why I want to lose weight and get healthy)
keep a food journal ( I wonder if OA will make me do this too)
keep in touch with accountability partners and sponsor
Go to meetings and be honest.
try and accomplish new workout goals each month
workout starting 2 days a week and adding to that when ready

Do any of you have a food plan? Any tips?

Being Bad!

There is a carnal sinful side to me. The kind that likes to disobey. The kind that says NO WAY! The part of me that  REBELS! This girl comes out anytime I want to change my life truly for the better and says You Don't need to CHANGE! You are fine, your life is perfect. But what she is really saying is that staying in bondage is easier than being free. Changing your life means getting uncomfortable. Means rocking the boat. Change means getting off the couch. Change means walking against the crowd. So do me a favor and if you see that girl tell her to GO AWAY! I want to be free!

I have had a tougher time getting off the soda than I thought I would. But I won't let it beat me. I am worth the change! I was designed by a loving GOD that destined me for greatness! I haven't been good enough on the budget to save for a scale yet, but it is coming soon. I will keep you guys posted. It has been a tough couple of weeks and I have missed writing and reading your posts. I am hoping to get back to a schedule soon.

But on a positive note, my apartment is slowly coming together. The pool is supposed to open soon and I can't wait to get Joslyn into the pool! I really think she will like it! I have been spending a lot of time writing down recipes that are healthy and delicious. Most of the stuff I am trying to make will have lots of veggies or is a healthier version of food that we love!
Like home made peanut butter, ice cream, baked chicken taquitos, grilled summer fresh peppers, and many more good recipes! I am planning on weekly meal plans and that will help me plan budget friendly menus and grocery trips. Getting super excited, every time I make a little change that will help me be a little bit happier, healthier and more energetic! Together we can do this! Thanks for all of your support!

How will I ever do it?

150 pounds! That is what I want to lose. How will I ever do it? Well, I don't think that I have ever been more excited about this weight loss project, then all the times I have been on diets before. Mostly, because I am not going on a diet, I am going for a life change. What is the difference? Well obviously a diet is to lose weight, and a life change is to change my life. I just hope that weight is lost in the process. I have been on many diets and some of them work and some dont, but none of them I can stick to. So this time I am trying something different.

About a year and a half ago, my wonderful husband purchased the program The 6 week Body makeover by Michael Thurmond. I opened the package with mega excitement, did all of the preperations, and figured out my body type. We threw away all the food in the house and started over. The body makeover is a wonderful program, it has many great elements. First of all, you can't eat anything processed, meaning no dairy, I love cheese. No chicken nuggets, no barbeque sauce, ketchup, anything. Why, you say? Well, most processed foods have one common denominator, SALT! The main thing that this diet focuses on is sodium and the less you have the better. Secondly, the diet requires you to eat 6 times a day. That seems a lot, but it is very necessary if you want to boost your metabolism. These are great ideas! I lost 20 pounds in a month on this system and never gained it back. I mean still havent gained it back.

So, my plan is to start in 2 weeks back on this program, and I will do only this for 2 weeks. I want to get my body used to the eating 6 times a day, smaller portions, and the no sodium. Interesting fact, the first 2 weeks that your body goes without salt, everything taste very bland, but, after that anytime you taste a spice, it has more flavor than ever before. See we can't really taste the spices in their true form because of all the salt we eat. After, the 2 weeks are over I will slowly add in the things I love, like dairy, but stick with the portion sizes and 6 meals. The reason I want to do this is because, i got very bored with the makeover fast because I couldn't have the things I love. I know now that I can't fully give up everything I love or it won't be a true life change. Eventually, I will find a way to eat what I want and forget all that I have learned. I am so excited though, because I really want to start to enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables and this diet requires them.

Next, I plan to start walking. There are few things in life that are quite so easy, for someone like me. I like to complain about many things, but when I actually go walking I enjoy it. I really want Joslyn to start enjoying her surroundings, and this is a great way to make that happen. We live in a little community of trailer homes in which every member has 1 to 5 acres of land. I really love our neighborhood. It feels like a very safe place to be. Maybe our walking will inspire others to walk too. There are horses and cows, great sights for a little girl to see. Not to mention all of the other critters.

So, that is my plan and I hope that I can honor myself enough to follow through with it. After all, I am God's creation, and I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I hope that you will enjoy my trials and triumphs of this journey and that most of all God is glorified. Please feel free to comment with ideas and advice or positive thoughts. I have no room for negitivity in my life.

P.S. tomorrow I will post on some of my ideas for part 2 of my goals, going green! The picture is of a critter that lives very close to our land.

Learning a little about my past can change my future

Let me first tell you a little about me. I am a 31 year old stay at home mom, to a new baby girl who is 4 months old. When I got pregnant after 9 years of trying to have a baby with my wonderful husband of 10 years, I was very unhealthy. Being pregnant was a wonderful experience for me, not only did I enjoy every move and kick, but I was healthier then I have been in a while. No sinus problems, almost no weight gain, only 12 pounds, and I felt good. After she was born my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home with her. I had a great job but it was a no brainer.

When Joslyn came into the world I knew that she would change my life. I have always tried to help others as much as possible, but the one thing I never have been good at was taking care of my self. I spent so much time taking care of others so I would not have to take care of me and deal with my own issues of insecurity, codependency, and food addiction. I visited a local church and started going to Celebrate Recovery . It was a wonderful program and I would recommend it to anyone. After finishing the 12 step program, God soon blessd me with my wonderful child.

For the first few months of her life I began to notice certain things about my life that I did not want Joslyn to do. One thing for sure was the "me" attitude! I have some great friends, don't get me wrong, but certain people I love have the wrong attitude about life. It's not about us, this life of ours. God didn't put me on this earth for me, he put me on this earth to tell others about Him. Now, I get that most people can't stand the Bible beaters of this world. I can't either. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I love Jesus with all my heart! But I want people to wonder why my life is so different. I want mine and my family's hearts and lives to explode with so much joy that people can't help but ask.

Secondly, I went through a mini depression state when I had my baby, this seems to happen to me when something really good happens in my life. Chalk it up to my childhood, I have major abandonment issues. When things get good, I fear that they wont stay that way, instead of enjoying it. This is going to change. I am determined to enjoy life if it kills me, get it? since we all die anyways, I am going to attempt to give this fear thing a run for it's money.

I noticed that the kind of life I wanted was a more simple one. John and I were determined to get out of our slump, so we decided to move to the country. I know that this sounds crazy but for us it is working. I wanted to start enjoying my family, so we decided not to get cable. At the present time, we have no television at all. Don't get me wrong we have a tv, a couple of them, and we can only watch movies on them, which we do together as a family most nights. We also spend sometime looking at the stars, which are beautiful out in the country, and enjoying nature. I noticed that the more I was away from the advertisements, the more my need for the newest, baddest thing went away. And the more I loved and treasured the things I have.

I feel very lucky to get to share this life with those I love and maybe you can share it with me too. The pic is me 9 months pregnant.

Preview: tomorrow I will share some of the things that I plan on doing to make this change possible, stay tuned....