Baby things and baby feelings.

It is still so surreal to me that we are having another baby. But slowly the pictures come into my head of holding a baby, taking Joslyn and her little bro/sis to the park. All sorts of little images that I never thought I would be having pop into my head. Poor John I am so emotional I am able to snap at him in 1.5 seconds as where before I normally had a cool head. This weekend we were talking about all the things we were going to have to by for another baby. Because of our big move into a tiny apartment, we got rid of as much as possible. I am big into recycling and try to reuse things often so that we are not wasteful, so it is heartbreaking to think we need everything over again.

Oh how I love hand-me-downs! We have been so fortunate to have friends that are willing to hand down clothes that their kids wear. So we always do the same. I think it is such a blessing to be able to give something away to someone that really needs it. A lot of our clothes and baby items went to the local crisis pregnancy center when we lived in Chickasha. I was picky about who I gave to because I wanted the people who really needed it, to be able to get it and not have to pay for it. Hannah's Heart in Chickasha was started by a lady who wanted to make a difference for new mothers that were in need. So she opened a closet in Chickasha, where moms could get things like clothes, baby food, formula and diapers for free. They ran on mostly donations and we loved to donate items to them. I also was able to get items sometimes when Joslyn was running low on clothes. The crisis prgenancy centers here in the city take donations of clothes and supplies. I used to get cans of formula as samples and took the ones we didn't use to the center.

As a Christian it is really easy for me to give help but not as easy to ask for help. The Bible talks a lot about being humble. But the world views humility as weakness. Just look at the people who stand on the corner. In the worlds eyes they are con men and women, choosing that road. But as Christians God asks us to love our neighbors as ourselves, not as lesser people. And He makes no stipulations one only helping people if we feel that they deserve it. So why is it so easy to fall into Satan's trap and become prideful? Because we don't want the World to view us as lazy or unworthy. I would rather look unworthy to a world that will judge me wrongly either way then to be disobedient to God who has loved me unconditionally. In James 1: 9-10 it says "The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower." God is saying that if we take pride in our money or posessions we will waste away when our wealth does. Money is so feeting these days. Security in houses and cars and stocks can all be destroyed in a day. Our security is only secure in the one who built the World, not in the things that are on it. People, money and economy will let you down, but the Lord lifts you up.

It was selfish of me to worry about this baby. Trusting in our own abilities to provide for another mouth to feed, will only let me down. But trusting in God? Well gave me this blessing, He is forming this baby muscle by muscle. So He will provide for this baby. So, when John was talking about looking for stuff we needed to buy I decided to take a risk and ask if anyone had anything we could use. We are spenders. We love to spend and then deal with the consiquences later. But I really want to be humble and be wise with our money. I know that if we are wise with our money then the Lord will bless what we do have. We found something on Craigslist and it would have been a good deal, but that 75 dollars would be something we need later. saving now and spending later that is what I am really trying to learn. So I posted our need on facebook and what do you know. Someone has a bassinet and a swing they are wanting to get rid of. Hallelujah. God will provide all of our needs. If I could just learn this about food, I would be doing really good. So we are still in need of many things and we are just beginning to collect the items that we will need for Baby J2, but I have no doubt that God will provide all that we need. He sends so many great people our way for us to give and take what is needed. Sharing our thoughts and our hearts and our stuff, really is doing God's will.
On another note, I have felt baby move. It is so cool to not have to wait to feel baby for months like last time. Being out of my first trimester already is making this momma very happy! The nausea is starting to calm down and now that I am not dealing with a really bad sinus infection I am much happier. I hope that this week finds you all good and happy. I still pray for you all!

Baby J 2?

It only took one look through that fuzzy black and white screen for me to fall in love with you! Unlike my first pregnancy where I wasn't sure what was happening to me or you at the different stages, I know with you. You are developing perfectly without much of my help. It is only by the design of God that you will be formed. Your perfect chin and face that I will hold one day soon. You little fingers that will hold mine and your daddy's fingers. Your belly that your big sister will blow on. All of it perfect just the way that God makes you. So grow baby grow, with the knowledge that you are perfect just as you are. And that you are very very loved! It was good to see your little arms and legs moving around in my belly. Showing that you are already content in your surroundings. They told me that sometime in October I will get to hold you for the first time. I am super super excited for that day! So grow well baby, Mommy, daddy and sister love you very much!

Surprise!

Yes, today's appointment confirmed it! Joslyn is going to be a big sister. Even as I type these words, my mind is reeling! Another baby! We had not planned for this. We didn't think it was possible for us right now. We are very scared. BUT, God is good and all that he does is good. I cannot deny that God's plan is what is best for me. It always has been and always will be. So yes we are excited. Here's the interesting news. We don't have a clue how far along I am. Normally, you would go by the momma's last period to figure out how far along we are. But, I haven't had a period since October! So yes we are befuddled. My doctor's appointment today was just a $40 confirmation that the stick I peed on wasn't defunct. I was kind of hoping it was a little. But the moment that test came out positive, I could no longer deny the symptoms I have been having. Sore boobs, trouble breathing,  extreme moodiness, sex issues, dizziness and of course nausea. All of these symptoms were just random things I have been dealing with for awhile but never put them together until last week. Even when I decided to take the test I was still thinking I wasn't pregnant. I truly thought that I was depressed and maybe was having early menopause. But alas, I was in the big word denial! When that stick had a plus sign on it I was shocked. What was God doing to me? I wasn't ready for this. I had my life already planned out. My toddler would one day be potty trained and I would send her to school for a few years and then go back to school myself. Get my degree in Computer Aid Design and start making good money from home and raise Joslyn. We would save money, become debt free and get to go on family vacations and have fun with just one child. DENIAL!
But I should have known that God would have different plans for me, he always does. Because as many times I think I have His plan first, it usually is a worldly plan instead. To raise my children right in the way of the Lord and to reach others for His Glory should be my only plan and then he will bless me. This second child will be a blessing like Joslyn will and I can already see him or her, growing and learning and playing. I already desire to see his/her face and hold my baby. I can't wait to see Joslyn as a big sister and watch her teach her younger sibling things. I desire to see her hold this little one and help change diapers. I desire to see her grow up to be a big sister and to protect and be there for her little sibling. I will be calling doctors soon and setting up an appointment to see how long we have to prepare for this little one. I will need your prayers and support as we go on this journey. Thank you for being my family that I can share this with. I love you all!

Happy Birthday!

Stole this pic off of my brother's facebook account.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Selah Faith!

7lbs 14 ounces, 20.05 inches long

In 12 days, I get to hold you and kiss you and spoil you the only way an Auntie can!

Welcome to the World, baby Moncrief!

Toddler

Life with a toddler is about as pleasant for me as it is for most people to go to the dentist. Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely could not love my daughter any more than I do now, but this stage in life is testing my boundaries. I knew I would never be good at this stage. When I was 19 I worked at a daycare and I loved the baby room. The littlest babies would come in cooing and babbling and I would hold them and love on them. And then there was the 5 year olds. They would come in after kindergarden and we would talk about their day and help them with homework. But the 2 through 4 year old rooms, I would almost have to go in there medicated. And surely after the day was done I would definately need the pain reliever. The screaming, the yelling, the tantrums, and the excessive whining; would drive me bonkers. Needless to say I didn't keep that job long. My favorite stage was teenagers. I loved everything about them. Even the rolling of eyes and sarcastic tones. I worked with youth for over 8 years and loved almost every minute of it.

I think my problem with this stage in life is the communication barrier. I want to get across to her that throwing her lunch on the floor to the dogs and then eating out of their bowl is unacceptable. But everytime we go through this, she seems to think it is a game. Just as climbing on the table to see what my response would be, is not as fun for me as it is for her. If it weren't for her sweet face and the ever diminishing sweet moments we have together, I might have thrown in the towel. Thank goodness that I have other mommy friends that seem to be having just a hard time of this as I am. Not that I am happy that they are having a tough time, it is that I don't want to be the only one. I find my patience being tested hourly.

Still, there are so many times during the day I see her sweet personality shine through that defiant no no and I thank God that I get to be a part of her life. When daddy takes her to bed and they say their prayers, I am praying too. "Thank you for this wonderful life that you have let me be apart of. Help me Lord to get it right. To see past the distractions and pain and guide her straight onto your path. Help me to be a shiny mirror reflecting your love and grace and mercy. And Lord help me to always remember that my time with her is short and everchanging. Help me to cherish every moment.  Amen"

My sweet hubby and I were talking the other night and I brought up how nice it would have been if the hospital didn't lose our manual to this wonderful present. In fact all my manuals, in life have been lost, except one.  And I will be learning from that manual the rest of my life.

Learning a little about my past can change my future

Let me first tell you a little about me. I am a 31 year old stay at home mom, to a new baby girl who is 4 months old. When I got pregnant after 9 years of trying to have a baby with my wonderful husband of 10 years, I was very unhealthy. Being pregnant was a wonderful experience for me, not only did I enjoy every move and kick, but I was healthier then I have been in a while. No sinus problems, almost no weight gain, only 12 pounds, and I felt good. After she was born my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home with her. I had a great job but it was a no brainer.

When Joslyn came into the world I knew that she would change my life. I have always tried to help others as much as possible, but the one thing I never have been good at was taking care of my self. I spent so much time taking care of others so I would not have to take care of me and deal with my own issues of insecurity, codependency, and food addiction. I visited a local church and started going to Celebrate Recovery . It was a wonderful program and I would recommend it to anyone. After finishing the 12 step program, God soon blessd me with my wonderful child.

For the first few months of her life I began to notice certain things about my life that I did not want Joslyn to do. One thing for sure was the "me" attitude! I have some great friends, don't get me wrong, but certain people I love have the wrong attitude about life. It's not about us, this life of ours. God didn't put me on this earth for me, he put me on this earth to tell others about Him. Now, I get that most people can't stand the Bible beaters of this world. I can't either. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I love Jesus with all my heart! But I want people to wonder why my life is so different. I want mine and my family's hearts and lives to explode with so much joy that people can't help but ask.

Secondly, I went through a mini depression state when I had my baby, this seems to happen to me when something really good happens in my life. Chalk it up to my childhood, I have major abandonment issues. When things get good, I fear that they wont stay that way, instead of enjoying it. This is going to change. I am determined to enjoy life if it kills me, get it? since we all die anyways, I am going to attempt to give this fear thing a run for it's money.

I noticed that the kind of life I wanted was a more simple one. John and I were determined to get out of our slump, so we decided to move to the country. I know that this sounds crazy but for us it is working. I wanted to start enjoying my family, so we decided not to get cable. At the present time, we have no television at all. Don't get me wrong we have a tv, a couple of them, and we can only watch movies on them, which we do together as a family most nights. We also spend sometime looking at the stars, which are beautiful out in the country, and enjoying nature. I noticed that the more I was away from the advertisements, the more my need for the newest, baddest thing went away. And the more I loved and treasured the things I have.

I feel very lucky to get to share this life with those I love and maybe you can share it with me too. The pic is me 9 months pregnant.

Preview: tomorrow I will share some of the things that I plan on doing to make this change possible, stay tuned....