Falling on my knees

"Falling on my knees in worship, giving all I have to seek your face, Lord all I am is yours." - Came To My Rescue by Hillsong United

As Joslyn and I walked into church this past Sunday I was feeling good. I had gotten her ready  by myself and we were running only 10 minutes late to Sunday school. I have gotten used to going to church without my significant other. But as usual there was a small pain that went up my spine as I sit down alone. A little bit of hurt as I look around at the other oblivious couples that sit together and worship together and give together and pray together. But determined to not let the devil win I walk into the couples Bible study alone and luckily see a friend I can sit with who was also alone. The Bible study was good and I walk into the main church service into really good spirits. I find a seat in my usual area and get approached by a wonderful lady I am getting to know a little bit better in CR, we have a great conversation that I know we never would have had if I was sitting with my husband.  So when the service starts we open with some amazing worship songs. Let me stop here and tell you how wonderful our worship team is! One of my favorite new persons is our worship leader Chuck. Originally from Louisiana, he has this jazzy spirit that is infused with all the songs he sings. And having a momma who plays piano wonderfully, I can honestly say that he is one of the best piano players I have ever heard. Worship seems so natural coming from him and he has a way of making the whole crowd sway. So break over, anyways the songs were great but one of my all time favorite songs was the last one played. Revelation song
http://youtu.be/FObjd5wrgZ8

I don't think I have ever sang this song without feeling goosebumps and tears streaming down my face.
This morning was not any different. I know I would have probably not have felt that though if my hubby was there. Singing with both hands in the air reaching for my Lord and Savior and crying out to Him. So with half of the congregation sniffling we sit down to hear the message. Our Senior pastor was away speaking to the youth at the  Youth State Convention. So pastor Jamie filled in. And let me tell you she was wonderful! She spoke about security and how we tend to need security but we look for the wrong things to make us secure. Alarms, dogs, good neighborhoods, money. So many things we use to make us feel secure and yet the righteous are already secure in Him. He has our security planned out, it is us who walks away from the security to follow our own paths. It was a great sermon but it wasn't until she read this verse that I got it. You know the reason I knew I was there that day. There is always that moment in church where I feel, okay I was supposed to be here today. The verse was
 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be a blessing. Psalms 37:25-26

My heart stops. My daughter. She will not be forsaken. I knew that God would take care of her, but I realized I had fallen into a trap. I was living my life day by day and assumed that she would chose the Lord. After all wasn't I setting a good example, wouldn't she be surrounded with my church friends that would rasie her up in the right way. But no I knew better, deep in my heart. My friends who struggle with the fact that their children aren't believers. That they make the wrong decisions that drag them away from the Lord. That no matter what they do, their children make their own decisions. Joslyn would be the same way. Choosing the wrong decisions sometimes. Sometimes running away from God when she needs to be running towards Him. It's her path not mine. But this verse is so important. The righteous's children will not be forsaken. That means when all is said and done, she will be a child of the Lord. But it was shame that brought me to the alter that morning. I hadn't been praying for my daughter's salvation. I haven't been faithful in praying for my husband to be brought back to the Lord. When they opened up the alter, I ran down there falling on my knees. Crying to the Lord for forgiveness. And feeling His love, thanking Him for my husband and my daughter. Then begging for my daughter to find Him and be a girl and woman that has a faith that changes the world. Most people want their children to be successful. But successful how? I want Joslyn's successes to be for the Kingdom of God not of this world. Who cares if she has a great job if she isn't following God's path. Who cares if she is making enough money for all the things she wants, if she isn't content in what God has given her? I also begged for God to bring my hubby back to Him. For me to have the faith and belief in Him that it shines through me in all I do. And for us to be a family that prays together and does God's divine work together.
I have made a commitment to be praying for them every night. Down on my knees praying. Heart opened and tears streaming prayers. Last night while my hubby went and got dinner (yummy chinese) I went to my room and dropped to my knees. I prayed for you too. For you to find your potential in Christ and to drop to your knees in heart wrenching prayer.

http://youtu.be/gArr7gyiMBY

How we are doing!

Well I thought I would do a slight update on my 6 goals. Since I am less than 3 years away from my goals, things look a little daunting. But even though, I am excited about my progress. God is slowly working in me changing the way I think and act. I have seen such progress in myself since I started this blog almost 2 years ago. Yes two years! In April it will be two years exactly and although, my blog sometimes veers off track I really believe that my original goals that I just jotted down are the things that God is working with me on. Now I am not blogging because I am a new mom with so many new experiences that I NEED an outlet. I am blogging with the full purpose of reaching others through Christ as He changes my quality of life.
1. Lose 150 lbs. Well I haven't accomplished this goal and since I haven't been weighing myself, I can't tell if I have lost anything. But, for the first time in my life I am getting up and going to the gym without outside motivation and I am addicted to a certain yoga class. In fact though I am the fattest girl in there, I feel like I belong, and that I am accomplishing more and more. Today I bought my first yoga mat and I feel like a proud yogaee (Is that a word?)! I remember when my friend Abby bought her first hiking pack and her excitement that she really was becoming a hiker. I feel that since of accomplishment, and I am hoping that eventually I will have that much success! I have to believe that!

2.Go green. Truthfully I have no idea where God is headed with us on this, since we had to move from country, where we could of had a garden and stored half of a cow and done many other green things, to an apartment. My goal is to try and start a small and I mean really small container garden of herbs this spring on my little porch. If I can keep those alive, then we will see about more. We have been recycling like crazy though. My hubby gets sick of the bags of recycled plastics, paper and tin cans that I collect. I try and take them every week because we litterally have no room to store them. But it is amazing to me how much stuff we could have been recycling all these years and didn't. My trash can doesn't have to be emptied as often and we recycle glass jars for my craft collection. We also collect those baby wipe containers and the plastic round big ice cream buckets for homeschool and craft stuff.

3.Become adventurous. On my list of 150 new things to try I have accomplished 15. And number 14 was completed the other day, because my passport has arrived. It is in a blue shiny new book and it looks so wonderful and it is so pretty! Just have to use it! When I look at the amount of time left and my still growing list of stuff to do I am bummed.  But when I remember how special some of my adventures have been and how they have slowly gotten me out of my comfort zone. Like when I walked on eggshells to remember that I would never again walk on eggshells for anyone. Or when I had my first food fight! So I know that God is really changing me through each small adventure and each time I meet new people and feel a little more confident about who God made me to be! Always stay tuned for more adventures, sometimes I schedule them and sometimes they just happen.

4.Enrich my marriage. Well I am feeling much more confident about this goal then some of the others. God has really blessed me in this department. And the reason I say this is not because I have been working on it. REALLY!!! When I took my first blue chip in CR over 4 years ago, I surrendered my marriage. And really I don't have much trouble with trying to take control over my marriage anymore. I think one of the best reasons is because I am so open about me being in recovery for codependency. I have changed so much in the ways I try and conrol others and my situations. And with me being so open about my vulnerablity I have seen amazing changes in my hubby. He is much more open with me too! Our communication has never been better and although we still have troubles like other couples do, we seem to be able to have the tools to handle them. I also have really been humbled by my friend's marriages ending and marriages mending. It makes it really easy to value what you have when you have watched your friends lose what they love.

5.Teach Joslyn to enjoy life and love others by example. Ouch this is one I really need to work on. Since I really struggle with this stage of Joslyn's life, I have trouble viewing my progress on this. And we have gone back and forth about homeschooling which would give me more time to teach her. But I think that she is going to grow up to be a very respectful young woman and I already see the love capability in her. And as far as enjoying life I know that she will. I know that providing everything a child wants does not make them happy. And happiness is not the same as joyfulness. Happiness is temporary. But I do believe that she will be reasonably happy. She has a very active imagination! My imagination has always helped me out in boring times, especially in high school, where I had my visions of my dream husbands planned down to the color of the carpet and the shoes on their feet. She is a very active child. I plan on keeping her with an active lifestyle and helping her as much as possible to not have my food addiction and laziness. And she is so curious. Although curiousity usually leads kids to trouble, it also brings them to try new things and experience life in a way I strive to!

6. Grow closer to God. Well that is apparant even to me! I feel with each new experience and each new trial God is pulling me closer and knocking down those walls I have built between us. Reading the entire Bible is something I plan on starting soon. But starting a new ministry is something I never knew that would happen and it has. Corinthian Writers is growing and we are now looking to expand and start adding writers to our group. Why because up until now God has provided each writer and girl as needed and we are so blessed for that. But He is showing us that we need to take a leap of faith and start ministering to a certain group home. I won't mention the home yet until it is finalized (we are in the beginning stages now) but we will require many more devoted ladies and gents that would like to commit to writing a hand written letter a month to a girl or boy that could use some encouragement. Some of the stipulations are that you need to have a strong faith in the Lord and you would need to take this ministry very seriously as we do, wanting to encourage and not destroy and lead to the Lord not away from the Lord. So it doesn't matter where you live, but if you would pray about this and see if this ministry is something you need to be involved in, then please contact me.

Thank you again for all of your comments and support as I continue on this path of enlightenment. My question for you would be: have you seen a change in me since you have started reading and what do you look forward to me accomplishing most on my goals? Have a great week!

When Depression Hits Me

This past week I have been hit with a little depression. It's amazing to me how many people deal with depression and still it is a taboo subject. So many women afraid to talk about how they get depressed because of the reactions they get. Like "You just need to buck up! You'll get through this." " You should be praying more, if you are depressed it's because you aren't praying enough." Or "What do you have to be unhappy about?"

Phrases like this, keep women in the dark. I remember the first time I realized I was depressed after a long horrible 6 months of crying and barely leaving the house. It was like a lightbulb had gone off. I wasn't just not praying enough, like I had been told by someone I looked up to! I was clinically depressed and needed some help. So I had a friend who led me to a counselor and I was able to talk through some of the issues that was keeping me paralized in depression. Now I know the devestation of depression and I know that everyone who deals with depression is a little different. Some people require a little medication to balance out their system. Some people need long term medication to keep their hormone levels straight and some like me just need to talk it out. None of the types are better than the other and all are real! After I got through that long bout of depression, my depression only hits me in smaller times and are few and farther between.

What I feel that God is leading me to say, may be harsh. But one of the greatest things I have learned in CR is how we are not meant to fix others. Telling someone something like the stuff above may be the truth, and it may actually help them, but unless they ask you for advise, then keep your nose out! Listen I know it's hard. I have seen how much being in a safe place like CR opens up people to talking, because they make it safe. A rule that we must follow in group is that we are not there to fix one another. We have to keep it about us. What is God working on us this week, not how can you pray for so and so cause she is going through a divorce. Or we should really talk to her about her missing so much church. Or did you hear about this person's son getting arrested? IT'S ALL GOSSIP!!!! And gossip destroys! Just like mentioning to someone what they should do to fix their life is part of codependency. And really we all do it. Even after I go to CR and am immersed in the safeness of it, I still go home and forget. I tell people all the time that they need CR and I am doing the same thing. So I am sorry, if I have done that to you. I am working on me constantly.
"whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others;"

Psalm 15:2-4

"They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows."

Psalm 64:2-4

So when depression hits I try to immerse myself in CR a little bit more, read God's word and mostly get out of the house. When I am depressed I want to hide in a little safe hole and never come out. But luckily God puts people in my life that help draw me out of my shell and bring me back out into the light. The devil loves it when I hide in the darkness, he will use anything he can to bring me there and anything to keep me there. This time the depression wasn't too bad, because I got out of the house a little and because of CR. But it was still there and it was real. I hope this post reaches someone who has been dealing with depression and is afraid of talking about it. I hope they feel less alone and free to talk about it. We are all dealing with hurts, habits or hang-ups in this life and talking about it is the first step to freedom.

Give me mine!

"Give me my chair, Momma" she demands. "Say please" I demand right back. Oh the attitude of us children. "I deserve it, because I work hard!" "I don't want to do that, it will make me look crazy!" "I am good enough, let someone else help them!"

Lord, thank you for what you have given me! Thank you for my life and all it's problems. I know I don't deserve the people and things that pass through my life. Help me to remember this, during times of laziness and stubbornness and just plain pride. Help me to use everything you have given me to bring you glory. This world is not about my pursuit of happiness. The people of this world are hurting and desperately needing you. Help me not to become judgemental and puffed up because I already have you. Show me everyday that I have nothing to boast for without You! Thank you for breaking my prideful spirit and replacing it with brokenness. Thank you for showing me life through these different lenses. To see people as who you've made them to be and not as the world sees them. Help me never to become complacent in my faith again. Relying on myself to fix the messes I get into instead of asking you for help! Thank you for bringing me the program of Celebrate Recovery and for the hearts of those who help me seek you everyday!! Thank you for those that read this blog and help me stay accountable to doing what you ask me to do. Help me to really listen to you and write whatever you ask. Thank you Lord for today and for my stubborn daughter. Heaven knows where she gets it from. Hehe!

Enabling!

Joslyn sits in the laundry basket and seeing me she asks for help to get out of it. I look at her and say you can do it! She doesn't believe me at first but slowly she gets up and climbs out. Then with the biggest grin on her face she says Momma, I do myself! What promise and sense of accomplishment she feels when I let her do it and don't interfere.

It's not a hard decision to let her learn her own lessions now when I know that she needs to learn these lessons to cope in life. But when does helping your child turn into hurting?
The definition of enabling in recovery is "The process by which family members, including partners, parents, children or siblings, "enable" or make possible a person to continue their addiction, by failing to set appropriate boundaries, failing to recognize the problem, providing money, etc."
There are so many ways that a person can enable. But how do we distinguish the difference between helping our loved ones and enabling them? There is no easy answer to this. What is helping to some is enabling to others.

For example, one of my problems is spending. I have constantly gotten in trouble with spending money and not looked or planned for the bills that were nessecary until I was done having my fun. Then I would panic at the fact that I didn't have enough money left to last the rest of the month. If some one constantly provided the money for me to get by, then that would be enabling me. Why? Because I wasn't allowed to feel the consequences of my mistakes. Also, if someone planned out my budget for me or handled my money for me, they still aren't letting me learn on my own. Now this doesn't mean that people aren't supposed to make mistakes and that we aren't supposed to help others. But there is a point when it has to stop.

I was talking with one person dear to me whose son was an addict, and she told me something that shocked me. She said that she had learned from her son's rehab that many parents of addicts die before their addict does. The stress of wondering if their son or daughter was alive or using, actually killed them. Heart attacks, litterally! Broken hearts waiting for their children to be well. Whole families can be destroyed because of one member of the family's bad decisions. But there is hope!

God uses these addictions and situations our loved ones get into to teach us and them about His grace. You can use this situation to try and control and help, or you can get out of the way and let God do the work. The decision has to come from you, but there are ways to help you figure out if out are enabling.

1. Does your loved one keep getting in the same or similar situations and expect you to take care of it or advise them on what to do?
2. Do you find yourself having uncomfortable conversations with your adult family member over and over?
3. Is there a family member who you hide their behavior from others.
4. Are you spending too much of your own resources (money, time..) on others and ignoring or neglecting your own responsibilities?

These are a few ways that might be clues, but the easiest way to find out is to ask someone you trust to give you an honest answer. A pastor, a friend of the family, or a professional counselor. I am not a professional counselor and I don't know much about enabling except for what I have seen. I have witnessed multiple people's testimonies talk about how enabling destroyed their relationships and marriages. Trying to control or fix others is something we cannot do. We can put a son in rehab and they can go straight back to drugs, we can lock up the money or the fridge, but we can't stop the urges. Only God can heal an addiction. Only God can fill that hole that we want to stuff with Worldly things. So please remember that your life and ties to a person can only go so deep before it starts to bleed uncontrolably. Letting God have that person, does not guarantee that they will stop their damaging habits. But it does keep you from being damaged yourself. And it allows that person to fall into Gods arms.
I want to leave you with a word picture. Imagine that someone you love walks to a cliff and prepares to jump off. You dive for their feet and keep them from going over. You are both bruised and battered but at least you saved them. You nurse your wounds, but before they are healed you see them heading towards the cliff again. You warn them and yell and rescue them again. The process continues until you can barely stand and this time you can't grab them before  they dive off. Your heart is so broken but so is your body and as you crawl to the edge to see the deadly wreakage that used to be your loved one, you are shocked. Instead of dead you see them moving. Yes they are damaged, yes they are hurt. But they are also scared! Instead of dying, Jesus caught them, He holds them in His glorious hands and for the first time they feel the amazing love and grace that God has for them. Every time you saved them you were keeping them from God's hands. God then scoops you up too and the healing process begins.

Love you!

A peom to my Toddler Joslyn

I thought of recording you tonight,
your tantrum and cries so loud.
So you could see in later years,
the way you used to pout.

The little things we fight over,
are simple now and then
But lessons learned in fighting,
are important just the same.

Like how we don't always get what we want,
but always what we need.
Because God loves us so much,
to tell us no, even when we pleed.

And how we need to stop and listen,
to those who know what's best.
Because God puts others in our lives,
to help us pass life's tests.

And how we need to be nice
and polite to others who pass by.
Because God loves us all the same
and is sad when we make others cry.

So remember when we disagree
that mom and dad love you still.
And we always want whats best for you,
so fight for you we will!

Adventure 15!

Anybody for tea?

When I first decided to add dinner theater to my adventure list, I was thinking about something fancy like The Yellow Rose Theater or Medieval Times. But as always with this adventure list, God is always showing me ways to look outside of the box, that I like to live in. It really wouldn't have been an adventure for me to go out to eat at a fancy restaurant. But it is an adventure to put my Valentine's Dinner date night in the hands of teenagers.

So when I found out about the teenagers at my church putting on a Murder Mystery Dinner for couples on the weekend before Valentine's Day, I committed to do it. After all the money they raised was going towards their State Youth Conventions and International Youth Conventions. So since you all know I love teenagers, I thought this would be great. Only 30 dollars a couple! Most nice restaurants would be twice that for a fancy meal.

We stopped at the hosts desk and recieved our programs and were seated at a table with 3 other couples. Our drink menu choices were Iced Tea or Water, which they kept filled pretty regularly. Then they brought out our salads or soups. The soup of the day was potato, but since I had chosen our choices before, we both ate the salads. I am saddened that I did not take pictures of the food. When I purchased the tickets we made our food choices then. Out of two choices for the entree, Chicken Parmasean or Spaghetti with Meat Balls. We had Chicken Parmasean and I really have to say it was wonderful. Afterwards we were served our choice of 3 cheesecakes, Raspberry, Chocolate or Carmel. John got the raspberry and I ate the carmel off of the cheesecake. I am not a cheesecake fan. Next the lights were dimmed and the show began.

The story starts off with a homicide detective asking his boss to be transferred to the Arson squad, when the Supervisor asks why he must tell the tale.

Across the street from this detective lived six lonely old women. Their favorite pasttime was staring at said detective through binoculars. They realized that the only way to meet him would be if they devised a plan.

A murderous plot was devised and the remaining 5 ladies prepared to meet the detective. When the detective shows up with his apprentice and dismisses their claim that the lady was murdered. They get frustrated.

The ladies unable to convience the detective that they are serious, result in choosing their next victim. The 4 ladies pull out the rat poison and close their eyes. Each of them get a chance to poison the victim's tea without the others really know if they did it. Therefore the only one who knows who poisoned the old lady is the criminal.

As the detective is brought back this time, he realizes that someone will die each time until he puts a stop to this plot. He cleverly figures out the killer! As he goes to to arrest the criminal, the other ladies fight over him and fawn over him. So much that he leaves the house screaming in terror.

Upon hearing this story, the supervisor agrees that the best option is to promote the detective to the arson squad. Minutes later the detective is sent out on his first case:a fire was started at a little house of elderly women, right across the street.

The cast did a wonderful job! I was so proud of these students. Some that I have met before and some that I hope to get to know in the future. The youth servers, cooks, hosts, and the youth director were also amazing! My lesson in this adventure is never assume paying more money is going to bring you a better experience. My husband and I had a blast at this dinner. We are so proud that instead of giving our money to a corporation, we are supporting those we love. We strive as a couple to put our money into the little guys pockets as much as we can. I know that the more I do that the more I will strengthen those relationships God has put in my life. 

My challenge for you is that you find a way this week to support someone locally, you never know where that relationship will go! happy Valentine's Day my loved ones! I thank you for supporting me as I grow and change in this blog.  

Valentine's Day

This year for Valentine's day John surprised me with some chocolate covered strawberries and a wonderful note that brought me to tears and I surprised him with a big package of new socks. But we were supposed to go to a Valentine's Murder mystery dinner put together by our youth for our Valentine's Day gifts to each other.

For me the romance of Valentine's Day has faded into a peaceful contentment that is so much better than the lustful years of before. No longer do I desire my husband to sweep me off my feet with the perfect gift and the even more perfect attitude. I have talked before about unrealistic expectations and how they can lead to disaster. That perfect gift can never be found and your spouse will either stop trying to find it and resent you or break his spirit and your bank account looking. I remember spending the days before Valentine's Day hoping that John would show up with a token that would esteem his love for me and that he would then carry me into the bed room and all would be perfect! But alas my husband would either show up with a trifle gift that would cause doubt in my mind that he really loved me. After all couldn't he get the twenty or so hints that I had dropped the week before? Didn't he understand how much was riding on this gift?

Unfortunately, that was me up there, embarrassed as I must admit. Not knowing that I was holding my husband to an impossible standard. After all I hadn't purchased the hubby version that read minds or came with a prince charming romance card. My prince charming was just a man! A strong and wonderful man that was showing his love to me everyday and wondering why it was never enough. Wasn't working incredibly hard to provide what I needed and wanted and then trying everyday to figure out what I really wanted enough? Needless did he know that I couldn't tell him what I wanted if he did have the gall to ask.
My heart and mind fought over the truth of what I wanted and needed. I didn't need the gift that I longed for that day but the love and acceptance that i thought it would provide for me. I didn't want my bank account to be in the toilet just for a gift that would sit on my shelf a week later. I wanted a promise that he would always be there for me, love me like the the best love story heroes did, and fill all the holes in my heart that the world had put there. Of course he couldn't and can't fulfill any of these things!

Only God can give me the everlasting love that I desire, He will never leave me or abandon me. Only God can know my deepest desires and secrets and provide the heroic awesome love story I long to be in. And only God can heal the wounds and hurts that sin and darkness put in my life.
Once I realized what I was really longing for I set out to change it. Notice I said it not him. I decided I would seek God for those things that I longed for and a true miracle happened. God started showing me what an amazing gift in a husband He had given me.  How although I could not control that he would never leave me, pending I find a way to cheat death, I could count on a man that would work harder than I would to stay by my side. And although my robot husband was not prince charming, he would look for more and more ways to show me his love even when i didn't deserve it. And the biggest gift was that he would support me in my attempts to fill those holes in my heart, by not complaining of the endless nights I would spend in Celebrate Recovery and handling with caution the broken mess I was and am.

Slowly I noticed the changes in him. He started communicating with me more and that opened up so much room for healing in our marriage. One of the sweetest things I have seen in a long time is the healing of a marriage of some friends of mine. As I watch God restore what is broken in their lives I am reminded of how much God has restored in my marriage and in me. But I had to get to that broken place before I let him fix it. I had to let go of the control.

So I challenge you today to look at the expectations you have for your loved ones. Are you holding them to standards that only God can fill? And if so, isn't it worth the opportunity to heal for you to let go?

11 things on the 11th

Well I have been tagged in my friends blog Sorta Crunchy for this fun little blog post, so here it goes! Enjoy!

Rules:

1. Post these rules.
2.You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people.



11 Random Things:

1. I have had a close encounter of the scary kind - with a bear!
2. I use fast food as a supplement for daily fiber like Metamucil.
3. I absolutely cannot sleep with socks on!
4. I am more like a cat then a dog, I only like to cuddle on my terms!
5. I can't stand the feeling of unglazed ceramic, it makes me cringe just thinking about it!
6. My best friend and I have planned a vacation for 2017 to Europe, many years ago in advance, with no idea if we will be able to go.
7. My favorite tissues are Puffs Plus with lotion, and I will pay extra for them.
8. I could spend all day at the zoo watching the Grizzly bears if I had the opportunity to.
9. I have piloted a Piper airplane when I was 14.
10. My favorite sculptures are made of colored glass.
11. I love moments when I get to rub Joslyn's back, she loves it too.

Questions for me:
1. Which season is your favorite and why? Definitely Fall, I love cool weather but not cold and the colors are pretty, but I love the fact that the allergies aren't as bad as spring.
2. What is the best deal you've ever gotten on anything? Joslyn, she will probably cost me millions of dollars in her lifetime but that is a steal since she is priceless.
3. What is your favorite dessert? Hands down, ice cream. With toppings, without toppings, cone or cup, I love them all! My favorite flavor is Capachino Chunky Chocolate.
4. When is the last time you went to the dentist? Ouch, this is embarrassing but before Joslyn was conceived. I was supposed to have a cleaning while I was pregnant and couldn't do it, because brushing my teeth made me gag.
5. Do you prefer older homes or new construction? Hmm, hard question for me. I love new homes with old touches. My plan for my future lottery winnings (yeah right!) were to build an old looking castle on the outside with a completely modern inside. I even want a moat!
6. What is your favorite social media platform and why? Facebook! I love how it connects me with my family and friends all over the globe and I still feel very connected with them. It is easy to use.
7. Photography: do it yourself or go to a professional? Professional, I really love newer photographers that don't have a studio yet. They tend to be cheaper and really seem to enjoy their jobs. They also can be very creative and flexible. I love to feel like I am supporting the little guys!
8. What is the last thing you made? My crunchy rice and lemon pepper chicken. Making my famous guacamole later today!
9.Thrifting: love it or hate it? Umm I am kind of weird for a girl and don't like shopping unless its grocery shopping. I might like it more if I had lots of money, time and no toddler to tote around.
10. Sunrise or Sunset? Um sunset, since I hate mornings!
11. What is your guilty pleasure? Hmm, Hip hop and Pop music since it is taboo for "Christians" to listen to and my husband doesn't like it and I feel bad letting my child listening to it.

Questions for my Taggees:
1. What is the first adventure you would or did put on your own adventure list?
2. If you have an addiction, what is it, or what would you choose to be your addiction if you had to have one?
3. Where would your dream vacation be?
4. What do you eat that not many others eat?
5. Country or City?
6. If you had to choose one sense to lose which would you pick?
7. What would you do with $1000 dollars cash today?
8. If you could have a wild animal as a pet what would you pick?
9. Who is your secret celebrity crush?
10. What is your favorite musical?
11.Paper, plastic, or recycle bags?

My Taggees:
The Beth Chronicles
Ordinary Wonderment
1,000 Miles on My Own Two Feet
Flat (Tire)d A Home School-Life Blog
momto8blog
Nordyke Academy homeschool
Our homegrown spud
Vintage Dough
Glow Academy
The Couch Potato Outdoors
Rich Faith Rising

to tweet or not to tweet

Lately I have been recieving email after email about reviewing things on my blog. When advertisers start coming to you to review products, you know your blog is doing well! Well enough that people are noticing it! It is a huge morale boost for me. But it also means that I am being tested. Is this an opportunity that the Lord is giving me to reach others for Him or is this a distraction by the devil to turn the blog into self praising instead of God praising! Finding the line between my story and God's story in this blog is sometimes difficult, and I am sure that I cross the line all the time. But I truly believe that God gave me this platform to share what He is doing in my life and those around me.  It's an age old fight within God's church on whether technology should be utilized to reach others for Christ. I am a firm believer in utilizing tools that bridge the gap between us and non believers, the way that Christ bridged the gap between us and God. But I also see the other side where it can be a distraction and turn us away from God's message. Like my issue I think it's a fine line. Setting boundaries is always a good way to make sure that we are using technology in the way God wants us to! Also having people hold us accountable is a good way to keep us from misusing and or over using these tools.

Since my blog isn't a product review blog I believe that doing product reviews would be against my vision of improving my families quality of life, unless of course the product directly affects achieving one of my six goals. In that case I might make an exception.

Now most of you know that I am all for book reviewing. I love to read and am very proud that I have been accepted to review certain books at my choosing. I  certainly don't post a review on every book I read and I don't just post reviews on books that are given to me for that purpose.  I am an equal opportunity reviewer. :-)  I have been asked to join Net Galley which is a premiere website for book reviewers. I have the opportunity to review books that are brand new in many different genres. I am in the process of reviewing a new version of the Bible that you will see me get the pleasure of reviewing all too soon. But one of the things that the publishers look for in choosing me to review their book is if I have Twitter. Now I consider myself to be very internet savvy, after all I not only taught myself how to use iPhones, Bluetooth, iTunes,Facebook, Pinterest and most of my electronic gadgets, but I have taught others too. But! I have no idea what this tweeting is about or how to use it!

So for those of you who do tweet or twitter about, what are your thoughts on it? Do you think it would be a good tool to get my blog, God's story out there? Does it take a considerable amount of time and energy, therefore decreasing my quality of life? Is it worth the trouble? I appreciate your thoughts on the matter and will cherish your comments! As for keeping the integrity of my blog I just want to say thank you to my readers. It is very gratifying to know that you all care about me enough to be a part of my story, God's story. And I always giggle over having comments to read and engage over. I want you to know that I love you and think very highly of my readers. You not only help me continue on my path towards God but hold me accountable when I stray. I count on you!

Adventure 14

Well I don't have it in my possession yet, but I have accomplished Adventure 14, getting my passport!!!!
It should take about 3 weeks to recieve the actual physical hold in my hand passport book, but it is bought and in the works! This is a real accomplishment because it works toward my lifelong bucket list to travel and see the world. I know that there isn't a lot of traveling on my adventure list but that is because my blog goals are to accomplish these things before Joslyn turns 5, since she is 2 now that doesn't leave me a lot of time to accomplish these goals. 14 in a year isn't very spectacular, I know. But since we are working on a limited budget and have many adventures that are expensive or require other circumstances. But God has done great works in me so far through this list and will continue to bless me and others by continuing to help me accomplish these. How is a silly adventure list part of God's plan, you ask? Well, since I lived most of my life avoiding any kind of risk and choosing to hide in the shadows by not drawing attention to myself. Every week you hear me talk about Celebrate Recovery and the changes it has made in me. But one of the biggest changes has occured within, when I truly realized my worth in God and therefore make the decisions to live out in the open and out of the box. What others think of me are irrevelent compared to what God  feels about me. Each time I accomplish an adventure that is either scary or draws attention to me, I am fullfilling God's plan and breaking those chains of unworthiness and self worth that used to control my every move. So each week I expose myself a little more, to draw closer to my Savior and if you don't like it, then so be it! I do love you though because God loves you and me, we are and will always be important in His eyes!
P.S. I will update this post when I get the actual passport. I am not a huge fan of the picture, but oh well what can I do about that? I will be really really excited when I get my first stamp in my new passport!

Recipe- Crockpot Chicken Tortilla Soup

I haven't posted a recipe in a long time, but I thought I would share an amazingly easy recipe that is souper good! I love Chicken Tortilla Soup, and I loved how all of them taste a little different. I have made this soup for many people and each of them have liked it. I hope you do too!

What you will need:

2 to 3 frozen chicken breasts
1 can of black beans
1 can of rotel or diced tomatoes with green chilis
1/2 onion chopped
1 cup corn
2 cups of water
1 cube of chicken bullion
1 tsp chili powder( or I used Mexican seasoning)
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garlic salt

Topping choices:

Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Chopped green onions
Cilantro
Fried tortilla strips

Directions:

Add all items to the crock pot, make sure to use a crockpot bag for easy cleanup. Cook on low for 8 to 10 hours. You might have to take the chicken out and shred it then add it back to the soup. Then if you want take corn tortillas and cut them into small strips and fry them in a little bit of hot oil until lightly brown. Drain the grease off and cool them down then put them on top of the hot soup, chow down.

P.S. I am accomplishing an adventure this week so stay tuned. Click here to see my list of adventures and see if you can guess which one I will be accomplishing this week! 

Brokenness!

You never think it will happen to you!

When a routine appointment turns into a scary one.

Waiting on test results that could be the phone call that changes your life forever.

No Cancer!

Thank the Lord!

I feel as if we dodged a bullet! My heart is slowly coming out of my chest and yet, I have felt a peace with me the whole time.
Yes there were moments of panic and fear, restlessness and uncertainness, but I can honestly say that through most of the trial I was at peace.

I know your confused and wondering but give me a minute and let me explain!

Early on in my recovery I called my Celebrate Recovery Sponsor, feeling hopeless. So afraid that my food addiction and codependency would be the death of me. I could see no way out of the despair that consumed me in my alone time. I was so busy being who everyone else needed me to be that I didn't know how to be me. My sponsor told me a story that I have meditated on to this day. She said that there was a point in a little waiting room where she cried out to God. Her children and grandchildren were involved in an automobile accident and it looked like they weren't going to make it. She cried out to God for help and He asked her if everyone that she loved were gone, would she still love Him? Would she still trust Him? She told me I needed to have true faith in God! Not petty my life is good faith but true faith. I have prayed from that moment on to be a true believer! I want to be that person that believes in God wholeheartedly! I want to be like Paul, who was imprisoned and eventually killed for his faith, but is still bringing the words of Christ to us now.

Does that mean that I want to lose my family? NO!
Does that mean I want to go to prison? NO!
Does that mean that I want to die a matter. NO!

But I do want to have that kind of faith and devotion to the one true Savior, Healer, Protector and Father! Because He has given me the power to overcome the obsticles on this Earth! I have met many people in this life that are Pauls'. And the one thing they have in common is brokenness. Broken to a point that the world couldn't accept them anymore, but Jesus did! He restored them to better than before, they were no longer their story's but God's story.

So when my husband's doctor told him that he was very concerned about John having cancer due to the abnormally low testosterone he had in his body and other symptoms, it didn't destroy me. I was able to go to God in prayer.

Yes I had moments of fear of the future, but I know that God holds my future.
I had fear of loss but I know that God is the ultimate Comforter.
I had fear of the sickness, but I know that God is the ultimate healer.

But what I kept seeing in these moments was God providing. God healing. God protecting. God using this as a testimony!

I cannot measure the amount of love and support that God has provided our family in the last few days. But I know without a doubt that God is always working! Nothing surprises Him. He is always there waiting for us to crawl into His arms and confide in Him. I know that He will let us go through these trials for that reason.

I am not Paul.
I have not reached my goal yet.
I do have a long way to go.

But, I am walking closer and closer to that finish line. Reaching farther and farther for His hand. Growing stronger and more like Jesus with every fall and trip and hurdle. God loves broken people! When we are weak He is strong!

What will it take in this life to bring you to Him? Do you agree or disagree with what I have said? I love comments! And I love you!

Getting Rid of Sickness

Did you know that sickness is a way for your body to stay healthy?
Each sickness your body is exposed to builds up your antibodies to prepare you for another illness. In the same way God uses our past trials to prepare us for the next one. That is why it is so beneficial for us to pay attention and use the tools He has given us to get healthy.
As most of you know we have had sickness after sickness in our home. As we come out of the midst of this sickness, I thought that we would share a few tips I have learned to help us get rid of sickness.

We Rest!

Sickness, is an awful strain on your body, spirit and mind! I used to be the type of person that would work through sickness, and pain until I could go no longer. But being a mother has taught me the importance of slowing down and resting. I feel so much better when I put away the distractions and sleep. It is easy to get sick when we work our bodies to the point of exhaustion. Healthy people are those that sleep! Remember God even rested on the 7th day. I don't believe that God needed this rest but I believe that he did it as a lesson to us to follow, rest!

We Take our Medicine.

Most medicine is awful tasting but it is good for us! Our medicine for this last sickness was the nebulizer and albuterol. Let just tell you how much fun it is holding down a strong toddler to do a breathing treatment. But it is neccesary for her to get better, John had to practically hold me down to get me to do my treatments too! No one likes taking medicine, but we all have to take it once and awhile. When temptations and trials in our life cause a sickness of sin in us we have to take our medicine. God has seen the sin in us and therefore provided the medicine we need to get healthy, His Word! He hates to see us struggle with sin, but will allow us to suffer with it until we pick up The Bible and read. If you can't take the whole spoonful of medicine right away, then sip it. Listening to Christian radio stations like AirOne or KLove can be great tools. Reading books by famous Christian authors can help, just remember that the only one who can heal you is Jesus, so if the book isn't leading you to Him, then put it down. I reccomend John Baker (author of Celebrate Recovery), Beth Moore, Andy Stanley are just a few! Check out a local church or Christian bookstore and see what they reccomend.

We call in backup!

No one likes to be sick, but being sick without anyone there to help you feel better is worse. Whether it is a mom to soothe you to sleep, a sister to make or bring you soup, a friend to watch movies with you, we all need help.  God designed us to need companionship! Especially during trials or sin. Jesus himself was surrounded with people he loved and trusted.  Having people pray and hold you accountable during times like these can make or break you. Of course you know that i reccommend Celebrate Recovery, but a good strong church group or bible study group is good too. So make that phone call and ask for help, you'll be glad that you did.

We sanitize!

Anything that is plastic and doesn't have batteries is thrown into the bathtub with bleach water. Everything else is thrown into the laundry, the trash or sprayed down with Lysol! Don't give germs a foothold to stick around! Alike germs, the temptations of sin is contagious! Clean out your house of temptations and arm yourself with protection. If pornography is your sickness, then throw away the magazines, move the computer to a safe spot in the house, and find someone to hold you accountable. Since food addiction is my sickness, I have learned to only go grocery shopping with a list and a chapperone. I also keep busy because sitting around the house is a temptation to eat and I have my CR groups to help me stay accountable to eating and exercising.

We use good habits!

A sickness is a great reminder of why we should eat healthy, exercise and take care of ourselves! Reminding my daughter to wash her hands and keep toys out of her mouth is another way to keep sickness away.  Praying, reading your Bible and meeting with your accountability partners help you keep good habits!

We prepare for sickness!

Staying stocked on medicines like tylenol and cold medicines help us be prepared for something that may hit us fast. Cough drops and allergy pills are a must at our house. Remember that sickness, trials and sin is part of life. If we deny it won't or can't happen to us then we won't be prepared when it does. Sometimes God will knock us off of our feet so He can carry us!

Here's to your health!