Brokenness!

You never think it will happen to you!

When a routine appointment turns into a scary one.

Waiting on test results that could be the phone call that changes your life forever.

No Cancer!

Thank the Lord!

I feel as if we dodged a bullet! My heart is slowly coming out of my chest and yet, I have felt a peace with me the whole time.
Yes there were moments of panic and fear, restlessness and uncertainness, but I can honestly say that through most of the trial I was at peace.

I know your confused and wondering but give me a minute and let me explain!

Early on in my recovery I called my Celebrate Recovery Sponsor, feeling hopeless. So afraid that my food addiction and codependency would be the death of me. I could see no way out of the despair that consumed me in my alone time. I was so busy being who everyone else needed me to be that I didn't know how to be me. My sponsor told me a story that I have meditated on to this day. She said that there was a point in a little waiting room where she cried out to God. Her children and grandchildren were involved in an automobile accident and it looked like they weren't going to make it. She cried out to God for help and He asked her if everyone that she loved were gone, would she still love Him? Would she still trust Him? She told me I needed to have true faith in God! Not petty my life is good faith but true faith. I have prayed from that moment on to be a true believer! I want to be that person that believes in God wholeheartedly! I want to be like Paul, who was imprisoned and eventually killed for his faith, but is still bringing the words of Christ to us now.

Does that mean that I want to lose my family? NO!
Does that mean I want to go to prison? NO!
Does that mean that I want to die a matter. NO!

But I do want to have that kind of faith and devotion to the one true Savior, Healer, Protector and Father! Because He has given me the power to overcome the obsticles on this Earth! I have met many people in this life that are Pauls'. And the one thing they have in common is brokenness. Broken to a point that the world couldn't accept them anymore, but Jesus did! He restored them to better than before, they were no longer their story's but God's story.

So when my husband's doctor told him that he was very concerned about John having cancer due to the abnormally low testosterone he had in his body and other symptoms, it didn't destroy me. I was able to go to God in prayer.

Yes I had moments of fear of the future, but I know that God holds my future.
I had fear of loss but I know that God is the ultimate Comforter.
I had fear of the sickness, but I know that God is the ultimate healer.

But what I kept seeing in these moments was God providing. God healing. God protecting. God using this as a testimony!

I cannot measure the amount of love and support that God has provided our family in the last few days. But I know without a doubt that God is always working! Nothing surprises Him. He is always there waiting for us to crawl into His arms and confide in Him. I know that He will let us go through these trials for that reason.

I am not Paul.
I have not reached my goal yet.
I do have a long way to go.

But, I am walking closer and closer to that finish line. Reaching farther and farther for His hand. Growing stronger and more like Jesus with every fall and trip and hurdle. God loves broken people! When we are weak He is strong!

What will it take in this life to bring you to Him? Do you agree or disagree with what I have said? I love comments! And I love you!