My Big Life Change!

Picture taken by Abby Austin of 1000 Miles on my own two feet.


To transform my life, with God's help of course, one step at a time.

1. Get healthy & honor God with my body

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

2.Become at least 50% sustainable with emphasis on doing our part to take care of God's planet.

3. Live life as an adventure, experiencing new places, things & people.
18 out of 150 bucket list goals accomplished

4. Become debt free & build security for my family, so we can then bless others financially also.

5. Continue to grow closer to God, building My family's faith & sharing the Gospel with those we meet, by using the talents and gifts God has provided us.

6.Continue to make money by creating and sharing my thoughts and beliefs through artistic expression: all the while hoping that my art will impact others. "Holly Kennedy

: All I know is, if you don't figure out this something, you'll just stay ordinary, and it doesn't matter if it's a work of art, or a taco, or a pair of socks! Just create something... new, and there it is, and it's you, out in the world, outside of you, and you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it... and you know a little more about... you. A little bit more than anyone else does... Does that make any sense at all?" Quote from PS I LOVE YOU

Thursday, August 4, 2011

What is God doing in your life?

I want to know! REALLY!! I have been on a writing hiatus way to long. I was trying to deal with a mass load of emotions coming at me and instead of writing it out I hide. But, I haven't been hiding from God and that is new. I actually have been digging deeper into God's Word and listening. Finally, HE says! Let me tell you a little about what I have been dealing with emotionally and then I will tell you what God is doing in my life. But I expect you to tell me what God is doing in yours!!!
Emotion 1: Grief
My brother in law almost died on July 5th this year. Him and his son were in a motorcycle wreck and my brother  Jimmy is still in ICU in critical condition. It has been a roller coaster of emotions of sadness and hope, anger and excitement. They were talking that he will never wake up and now they are saying when he wakes up, he may have no mental capacity. All I know is that God is at work in this situation and He is working miracles. I want to personally thank you for your prayers. Those of you that have know about this have been lifting up our family to God and we feel it! John also lost his uncle last month to cancer. So grieving I would say so!
Emotion 2: Failure
I thought by putting my weight loss goals and progress on my blog that it would help me work harder at weight loss. It wasn't, it was just making it harder for me to deal with failure. I realize now that it was another attempt at me fixing my life. I know that if I am going to change that it has to be God working in me. His power, not my own. Sometimes, I have trouble distinguishing the difference until it is too late. That is okay though. I learn the hard way and every failure is one step closer to success. Like a song quote from one of my favorite movies says "Up from the ashes, grow the roses of success"! Anyone know which movie that is from?
I will let you stew on that a little bit!
Emotion 3: ????????
Okay, have you ever felt an emotion that you can't place? There is no word for it? Last month I got a call from my dad's apartment complex. The moment I heard her name and where she was calling from my pulse quickened. I knew it was going to be not good. Tracy proceeded to tell me that she was concerned for my dad because he was giving her documented letters saying that the person in the apartment upstairs was trying to microwave his brain. He also had foil on his walls and ceiling. I should have been shocked, but I wasn't. You see when my dad worked in the Air Force, he was around a lot of toxic chemicals. He built missiles! One day when I was 2 there was an explosion in his area of the plant and because of faulty suits, my dad's team was exposed to a very dangerous mixture of toxins. Most of his friends ended up being vegetables or dying. My dad however started getting funny symptoms. Sensitivity to sounds and smells. Angry bursts of emotions. Ticks and headaches. Blackouts and random pain. This is just to name a few. Because of the classified nature of this work, he did not get benefits. In fact he had to fight the veteran's board for 17 years to get any disabled status. He didn't get enough, but he settled on some. Dad has seemed mostly normal to outsiders. He can hide mot of his issues. But his disability has isolated him from mostly everyone. His angry and sometimes unexcusable moods led him to divorcing my mom. Instead of him turning for help, he ran away and decided that a life alone would be better. Living alone can turn anyone crazy. But it has made my dad paranoid. He really thinks that people are trying to kill him. God granted me forgiveness towards my dad
for the crazy life he has put us through. Celebrate Recovery has led me to have compassion for him. And God's grace has led my dad to trust me. There is no one else in this world that he does trust. And I am ever grateful of that gift. But during that fateful call, I had to explain the madness my dad goes through, to a STRANGER! I had never told a complete stranger my part of his story before. It was awakening and sad and indescribable. It left me vulnerable and exposed, knowing that this woman had the power to get him kicked out. It also left me feeling very out of control. I couldn't do anything!!! I can't explain to my dad why it is crazy for him to write people like the apartment complex or the Attorney General or even the governor. They don't care about his non-existent problems. They don't but they should. It was a very tough situation, but it has led to great things. Tracy said that she would keep in touch with me on the situation. I have been able to make peace with the fact that I cannot change dad's situation or fix it and that GOD will handle it. I also have been able to talk with others in CR that give me great insight on how to deal with mentally challenged people. MENTALLY CHALLENGED, that is hard to say. I got a glimpse into my future and realized that this was another weaving into my tapestry and that God was going to use this strand to bring Him glory. The most difficult of situations brings out the most beautiful parts of our stories.
Emotion 4: Excitement 
During this hiatus I have been searching my heart about this food addiction of mine. I want it gone and over with. I want to be free from the bondage of food. But, I also have been looking at this the wrong way. God doesn't allow us to go through pain so that we can get over it. He wants us to triumph over it but always remember it. To use it for His Glory! If I could just get over it, I would forget about it. No that is not acceptable. I have never met anyone who has triumphed over a food addiction. This is very discouraging! But I also have realized that I am not allowing God to lead me to the people who might have had success. So God is leading me to go to Overeaters Anonymous. I really think that this is God's will. I need to get tips and tricks on how to change my habits with food. I really believe that God is going to help me triumph over this. I am very excited on this new development and will keep you up to date on this. VERY EXCITED! Please pray that I listen to God's cues and not mine on this and that I stay strong. So this is what is happening in my life and know it is time for you tell me what is happening in yours. Need help? Check out the blessings that are helping in some of my other friends lives!
Tanya, Leigh, Megan, Beth, Layla and Abby!


  1. Wow, you have had a lot on your plate! Hope things settle down for awhile so you can move toward your goals. Thanks for the shout out!

  2. Oh, sweetie. Wow. That is an amazing burden you just set on the table. To carry that around... Praise God that you have given Him the gift of transparency. That you HAVE laid that before Him. I know you have been seeing miracles, but expect EVEN GREATER things! Like you said, the Lord is still in the miracle business. Sometimes, those miracles come in unexpected packages. His grace is always beautiful. I will be praying that Jimmy shocks the doctors when he does wake up. I pray that all they can do is stand there and attribute what they see to an Almighty God.

    What you said about your shame,sweetie. There is no shame for you there. What a complex array of emotions. I cannot imagine. What a beautiful picture of strength you are being for your dad. God is using you in BIG ways! What a terrible disservice the Air Force has done to your father!

    As far as your blog/weight goes, you are not the only one to have tried the bloggy-diet thing and "failed." Committing to two things at once is overwhelming. I think that you have a VERY good outlook on this, and that you will find what works for you.

    Don't be afraid to show your scars. They are a part of you (the deepest parts). You are SO RIGHT! If you forgot about them, hid them, or denied them, you would lose some of the most beautiful keys to compassion. Our Savior KEPT His scars! He could have come back fully healed, yet...

    ...He kept His scars.

    You are beautiful, valuable, and are going to dance in the fullness of knowing that you are in amidst miracles, as you continue to lay this stuff down.

    Be blessed! Thank you for mentioning me. I am honored to know you.


  3. Wow Layla wow! I am the one that is honored!

  4. Wow missy! You have a lot on your shoulders right now. Just remember God is there with you, helping with your troubles, even when you don't realize it.

    I miss you, ma'am, and I love you bunches , just for being the wonderful you that you are. Call me if you ever need a willing ear or even as a distraction. :)

  5. Oh! Thanks for the mention, too! I LOVE LOVE LOVE new (and old!) blog guests!

  6. Brown, first off, thank you for the shout-out!

    Second, (((Brown))) <- that's a hug :)

    I admire your perseverence, grace, optimism, heart, faith, devotion--the list goes on. You're inspiring, Brown, finding messages and more reasons to believe and trust God and yourself. I hope things alleviate soon, and I am I am glad to see you writing again! I love you and miss you, my friend :)