Why Moms groups aren't for me.

Firstly, let me say how sorry I am that I have not written in awhile. We have been busy with many things such as illness, garage sales, and packing. I will try and keep up my writing even though we are dealing with all of those still.

I have a friend that is constantly trying to get me to join her moms group. I have made excuse after excuse after excuse and finally last week I told her they aren't for me. But why? I will tell you.

REASON 1
When Joslyn was born I was both excited and scared. I wasn't expecting insecurity to overwhelm me. But it did. Anytime someone would look at Joslyn and reply about how much she would spit up or cry or poop,  I would go into a frenzy wondering if my baby was okay. It is unbelievable how much "advise" is more offered as commands. Especially to new mothers who haven't developed their confidence yet. I believe that confidence is something I would have anything for in that first year. But I also know that going through that first year gives you the confidence to be able to handle the many years to come. So many new moms I have met have the same feelings. Trying to get to know your new little one can be frustrating enough without many moms throwing their suggestions into the mix. Here is the deal. Many moms clubs have lots of women who have gone through what you have gone through. Understand what you need to understand. And care about you care about. BUT, when you are insecure in any way you can be manipulated easier. I am not good for a moms group because I am insecure with my motherly instincts. I am not saying that I don't make good decisions when around others. I am saying that it is hard to hear my voice amongst the others. I get confused rattled and very unsure of myself. The same reason that a newly sobering alcoholic should not be in a bar.

REASON 2
I never seem to like competitive situations. I have been in some pretty competitive markets before in my job fields. But nothing compares to moms being competitive. Here's the skinny on the mom field. You will meet many moms out there that are sweet and loving and want the best for their kids and others. But the majority of moms out there have a weakness. Competition. My kid is better than your kid because..... Fill in the blank. He walked before yours. She talked before yours. He got teeth earlier than yours... Her bow is bigger than yours... His stroller cost more than yours... ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? NOPE!
I usually like to see the best in people but come on!!! It is ridiculous how selfish and caddy some moms can be over stuff. Infant achievements should be celebrated with all children, not rubbed in the faces of those that aren't achieving like you. It leaves many moms wondering are they doing everything right. Lets leave the walking and talking achievement worries with the ones that can help, doctors. And the competition over baby stuff is sicking. There are babies out there that are without clothes, food, and other needed things and we are going to fight over who has the cutest diaper bag and baby bedding. I will be very honest here; I have done this! And it hurts my soul. You see when I hang out with people that haven't had to suffer through having the money to buy diapers. Or they don't have the compassion for those without, then I start to act like that. I forget (because of my insecurity) what I have gone through and that every day my child gets food and clothing  is another day that someone else's child doesn't. Please believe me, not all people are like this. But it is too easy to get caught up in the Jones's game and lose sight on what really matters.

REASON 3
Remember that insecurity I was talking about before? Another reason I have trouble with moms groups is because it is all about breast feeding and baby wearing. Clothing and home schooling and daycare and play groups. Okay PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME HERE. I understand that these things are important. But I don't like the discussions that turn into debates that turn into hurt feelings and hate and rejection. I have seen friends and family rip apart because they have different opinions about cloth diapers and breast feeding. I have  talked to mothers who have spent hours crying because they weren't able to breast feed. I have seen many people turn ugly over whether or not to vaccinate their kids. I have heard of stories of women getting rejected from church groups because they don't home-school their kids. Oh, I have to wonder what Jesus would say about this. Does it matter to Him if we breast feed our child? Will He have something to say about the way we treat others that differ from us? Yes I believe so! I will have to account for the words that I say. This last year I have really tried to stay away from groups that tear each other with their words and be apart of groups that build each other up.

REASON 4
I know that many moms group are very valuable to many people. Many moms don't get the socialization needed if they don't go to a mom's group. It's hard to find a place that you can go where your kids will be accepted and have fun while you socialize. And socializing is very important. But many of the moms groups that I have seen tend to be closed minded to others and centered around themselves and not the community. I feel that if I am around women that lift me up and bring out the best in me then I would want to share that. Also, sitting and talking about me and my issues isn't going to solve anything. I would feel useless and that I am wasting my time. I am not saying that we don't need that, but eventually the group should accomplish something besides gossip and self centered issues.

Knowing these things about myself helps me become a better person. I would never put someone down for being in a moms group. I do have certain feelings about certain moms groups and I will not apologize for those feelings. If you feel differently then you have that right. I will not fight with you about your opinions. I hope that this helps you understand a little more about me.