to Stand and Deliver

So, another adventure down, and boy was this one a doozy. Lol! I have never been one to watch horror or scary films at all. When I was a teenager and very susceptible to peer pressure; I got talked into watching Arachnaphobia. Well the result of that endevor is a never ending fear of spiders that haunts me in my sleep and in the day. I also watched a Watcher in the Woods and I still jump at rustling leaves. Truthfully, I have always been a little wierd. I know that this is a shocker to some people. Quit laughing! I never understood why I was never like my friends and couldn't go to scary movies and laugh about them later. Or go through a haunted house. I remember around Halloween every year mom's christian radio channel would do a halloween show. And the radio host would take calls from satanist and people who said they were devils or vampires and goblins. It was so scary I would want to hide for days. I didn't even want to hear about the fake versions much less the real versions. It freightened me to no end to think that animal and human sacrifices were going on these days. When we would study the salem witch trials I would cry. I hated any form of abuse or violence or even racial movies or books. Because in my little world, none of that existed.

My best friend calls me an escapist. In other words, I like to escape into movies, books, or video games that help me block the real pain and heartache in this world. I know this to be true. I also know that deep down I have a secret ability. You see when some one reads a book about evil and villians, they usually can move on. I can't. I can't explain it, all I know is that spiritual warfare is real and it is everywhere. And when I watch scary movies or evil movies I feel it.


You know the story Harry Potter? Well the first 3 books were fabulous. They were enjoyable and fun. I devoured them in hours. But the more I read, the harder the books got. By the 6th book, I was picking it up only to get through to the wonderful ending I knew just had to make it worth it. It took me a year to buy the 7th book and a month to read it. Why? Because I can see the evil a little more cleary then I should. I feel evil in books and movies that people think are funny. Mouse Hunt, is a prime example. Its a kid's movie, but there is an underlying evil that made that movie an awful experience for me.

So on to the adventure. I told John that I would let him pick out a scary movie and I would watch it with him. My adventure list is about moving past my fears. So when he picked out the movie I thought I would die. It was Steven King's The Stand. Only John would think of a 6 hour scary movie. We happened to have the movie. So yesterday we sat down to watch this movie and I was surprised. After all I expected something really scary, being Steven King. But it was good. Don't get em wrong, I wouldn't watch it again. There were tons of 80's stars in it and the acting wasn't completely awful. The biggest surprise was it was kind of about Revelations. Good verses Evil! Yet still that should of scared me. I am terrified of Revelations. I know we win in the end, but I am still so scared of the details. So to watch a movie based on this should have been ultra scary. But I wasn't! I went into the movie ready for battle and was able to see a lot of the good parts of the movie.

In short it's kind of like life for me. I am super scared of many things, especially the unknown. But if I go in armed with God backing me up I know that it is going to be great. So many of these things on my list are scary to me; but I know that God is going to use this for his Glory, and that makes it all worth it. Great job honey, on picking a movie! 

Emotional Vampires

With all the buzz about the Twilight series and all the other vampire movies out right now, I think this is the perfect opportunity to have this disscussion. Do you know any vampires? No, I don't mean georgeous men who dazzle in the sunlight and drink blood. I also don't mean fairytales either. I mean people who suck the life out of you. Emotional Vampires. I see them all the time. I seem to be very attractive to vampires. I think it is because I am a codependent. I must send out a signal that says, latch on to this one, she doesn't know how to say no.

I have had a few emotional vampires in my life and they all look the same to me. Negitive, clingy, want advise but don't take it, have an excuse for everything, and a general feel sorry for me attitude. Well, being a codependent, it was hard for me to see that these people weren't being helped by my relationship. In fact instead of helping them I was hurting myself by being in the relationship. I used to think that this was okay, but then I had Matthew 22:39 reread to me. Part of it says love your neighbor as yourself. Not above yourself. This is the key for people like this. They don't love themselves and if I can't love them as myself, then it isn't healthy. This does not give me a reason to hate them and treat them badly. Christ did command us to love even our enemies, but love doesn't always mean right there beside them. In fact in my life, I have to watch my boundaries very carefully with these people. If I don't, I end up hurting them and me. I did this once with a girl I knew. I let her in too close and let her control the relationship. And by the time I figured out that this relationship was damaging to me, there was no easy way to end it. We both got hurt from it. I know though that God is still working in that relationship and there is no relationship too damaged that God cannot heal. But, we can stand in the way of His working in someone when we are trying to "help them" and know deep down in our hearts that it is not what we should be doing. So if you are in a relationship like this, end it. It will hurt initially but God will heal us. If you don't know if this relationship is bad for you then ask a friend that you trust. Look at your heart, does it hurt? Talk with God and wait for an answer, and finally see if you are the one damaging the relationship. Is it onesided? Are you needing more from someone then what they can give? That is probably because you are looking in the wrong place. Only God can fill those holes that we want others to fill sometimes. Don't let an emotional vampire control your life. You cannot hold up someone else for so long. If you are weak and burdened run to God he will carry you through. Ask God to heal the hurts and to heal that person, but also ask God for guidence on when to intervene and when to say no.