The things we rely on....

I am mourning the loss of my laptop this morning. John bought me my perfectly pink laptop soon after my graduation from my 12 step group. I went through this pink stage, where I wanted everything to be pink. So pretty much in the same week, John had bought me a pink laptop with a pink mouse and a pretty pink camera to take pictures with.
That laptop was so significant to me for many reasons. First of all I had never had one before. In fact I had never had a computer of my own before. For the first timeI had a computer with everything exactly where I had put it, eveytime. Music that was all my own, in the order I wanted it and nothing I didn't want to listen to was allowed. My documents were on my desktop and unlike at work, I could leave my desktop unclean and no one could say a thing about it. Secondly, it was my connection to others. When we moved out to the country after my precious baby girl was born. This laptop was my only connection to the outside world. After all, I didn't have a phone of my own, for much of this year. Even now, I still don't have a phone of my own. So here I was far away from all of my friends, in a new area and I couldn't even call them. Now I have said many times that I am a codependent. And another part of that is that I need people around me to feel safe and comfortable. So being alone with my daughter was very hard on me. My laptop became my lifeline to the world. Facebook became my phone calls to my friends and family, and blogging became my replacement for not being able to help people everyday.
About a month ago, My sweet Angel of a daughter was playing on my laptop again, which she knows she shouldn't do. And I had left my glass of tea sitting next to my laptop and while I was away doing something in the kitchen, she grabbed my cup and spilt tea on the keyboard. John caught her with the cup and grabbed it from her thinking that he had just saved my laptop from a horrible fate. Alas, we didn't notice the spill for a couple of days, until my keys started sticking and causing me problems. John took it apart as much as he could before realizing that it was way too damaged. So my gracious darling husband has loaned me his laptop. Yesterday, he backed up my very important data and we are getting ready to ship it off to the manufacturer. Now I am 100 percent grateful for this replacement laptop, but it isn't the same. It doesn't have any of my music or movies or pictures on it. I relied on that laptop for so long.

Friday one of our old Sunday School teachers died in a car wreck on the way to work. He was a husband and a father, grandfather, mentor and friend to many people. We didn't know him that well, but I do remember that everytime I saw him, he lit up the room. His smile was contagoius and he welcomed all with open arms. So now his lovely wife is left with picking up the pieces, without him. It makes me think fo how much I rely on my husband.. Not only is he our provider right now but he is my other half. The complete opposite from me. He is my comforter and lover, sometimes my judge and of course the father to my daughter. I put so much faith in this man, that it sicks me to think that one day I may have to live without him.

My very smart sponsor told me once that we have to get to a point in our relationship with God that we could lose everyone and everything around us that we love and still Love Him. The treaures on Earth are temporary. When she said this, I thought great. I had heard of people who gave up all there posessions and lived only to tell others about Jesus. I have a friend right now, Morgan, that is walking across the country with a cross, to tell others about God. I also know of those that had to lose many people in their lives, and that because of that they are closer to God then ever. Well, I hope that I don't have to lose everyone or give up everything. But I know that God is going to do what he has to to get through to me. Life can be so distracting sometimes. The devil uses things, dreams, disaster and other people to keep us focused on anything but God and His plan for our lives. Lord please help me to focus my eyes on you. I know that all the rest of our life will fall in to place when we focus our lives on you. Thank you for loving us enough to deal with our distractions and the silly things we place before you. Thank you for giving us our hearts for others and giving us the people in our lives, no matter how long we have them for. Please guide me on the path you want me on. Lord please comfort all those who are grieving right now and show them the directions to joy that only you can give through this pain. And Lord, please please please, let me watch when the devil gets his due, for all the pain and suffering and heartache and sickness that he has caused on this Earth. Amen!