Our bed!

This is where I sleep! I know it's not a four star bed with a mattress that produces amazing dreams. In fact it probably would count as a negative star. The bed is never made and the pillows are always askew. There is always something unexpected under the covers, like a stuffed animal or a random toy. The mattress is lumpy and then there is the issue of 2, count em 2, comforters! After all this momma doesn't share her covers. But it is our bed! Our wonderful, comfy bed! Some of my best memories have been made here.

Okay I know what you are thinking, and yes I have many of those types of wonderful memories! In fact there was this one night... aww never mind. I am actually talking about other types of memories.

I use my bed for many things. There is the ever important sleep, that I never get enough of and I love to read in bed. I recently got a new bedside lamp thanks to my dad and I love to read in there. There is no more comfy spot in my apartment then my bed. Then there are the memories I have made with my daughter in my bed. When Joslyn was born and we first brought her home, I did all of my breast feeding in my bedroom. My dad lived with me and my hubby at the time and I did not feel comfortable yet feeding anywhere else. I would feed her and then set her in her bassinet that was next to the bed. But breastfeeding was not a happy time for this momma and baby. So my sanctuary was turning into a nightmare. So I retreated to her room to do the feeding and eventually gave up breast feeding all together. Once bottle feeding started I was a different momma and enjoyed the heck out of feeding time and loved feeding her in my bed or on the couch or anywhere. Some of my happiest memories are feeding Joslyn in the middle of the night, just her and me snuggled in the bed. I really got to know her coos and cries and the lines on her face and on her fingers and toes. Yep good memories!

Now when I was pregnant I was convinced that I would never be one of those parents that would let my baby sleep in bed with me. I had all the tools to keep my daughter safe and happy or so I thought. I had a crib for when we were ready to let her sleep in her room. I had a bassinet by the bed so that I could have her within arms reach when she cried and needed me. I had it made. But getting in and out of the bed with the bassinet next to it was awful, especially for someone who just had surgery. And the bassinet was higher than the bed, so I couldn't look into it and check on her without fully sitting up and rolling over. I couldn't even put my hand on her to comfort her without sitting up fully. When Joslyn sleeps by herself she is very noisy. She would grunt and groin in her sleep and whimper. She still is that way! Except that she is like her momma and rolls over too! I quickly learned though that if I was holding her while she slept, she was quiet as a mouse. She needed that comfort and protection that she felt in her momma's arms. And I needed the sleep I only got when she was quiet. Soon all my fears about what I heard about babies that slept in bed with their parents, were soon replaced with comfort and joy. My mind and body said that this was right for us, and every moment I spent in bed asleep with her in my arms was peaceful!

After Joslyn turned 6 months old, John convinced me that it was time to get our bed back to it's original owners me and him. And although it was very hard for this momma to let go, I knew it was time also. Joslyn wasn't cuddling to go to sleep with me any more in fact it was pretty difficult to get her to lay still to fall asleep. Instead of cuddle time, bed time turned into fight time and then sleep turned into getting kicked and hit in the middle of the night. So with reluctance we dealt with the weeks worth of crying and screaming at bedtime and sometimes in the middle of the night until she was just as comfortable in her crib as she was in my bed. And oh the freedom I felt once those first few weeks were over. I could finally stretch out and roll over without having to take her with me. John and I could cuddle and move around in the bed without worrying about waking her. It was bliss.

But my bed is now something even more special. When sleepy baby wakes up from her toddler bed, (ouch how did it go by so fast) the first place she runs is to our bed. That is when we hoist her into bed with us and start the morning with her jumping on the bed and tickles and songs like itsy bitsy spider. It is one of the most special times we have each day, because daddy is there with us and we all play together. So many memories each day. Every morning she surprises us with a new word or phrase. We even try to get the doggies into the mix, but they don't much enjoy the excitement. No matter how bad the night was, morning will forever be special to us in our bed!

So Where do you make your special memories? And what do you do in your bed that is special? HEHE!!!

What I want to be when I grow up

Thinking today about what Joslyn is going to be when she grows up and it makes me think about what I want to be when I grow up.

Today John and I went to eat lunch at Ted's (yum) For those of you that don't know about Ted's it is some fabulous Mexican food! And while we were sitting there an older couple in about their fifties or sixties comes in and sits at a table next to us. The woman had a scowl on her face the whole time they ate there and they barely said 5 words to each other the whole meal. -- I want to be a woman that doesn't let life and circumstances take the fun out of me and I still want to be in love with my husband until I die.

It is a stereotype that home-schooled kids aren't very smart and they can't follow a schedule. And one of biggest fears is that Joslyn and I won't survive home school without my daughter fighting me all the time and hating me. -- So I wanna be a momma that home-schooled her kids/kid and they are successful and respectful and don't hate me!

My adventure list is still lacking in adventures and my husband and I were watching glee tonight and they did a whole show about Rocky Horror Picture Show. Now I don't like Rocky Horror Picture Show, but my husband loves it! And one of my fears has always been being cast as a hypocrite or a bad example. But one thing I know is that no amount of good deeds gets me any closer to God, He knows my heart and my reasons and He loves me anyways. -- So I want to be a person that lives really lives and stops worrying what others think about me. So check out my blog adventure list and see what number 130 is!

I think a lot about my weight goals lately and my reluctance to commit to anything. My husband and I agree that the YMCA is going to get 3 new members soon. Joslyn is needing social interaction with other kids for reasons that she needs to share and I am really hoping they will encourage her to potty train. And the YMCA allows you to put your kid in the daycare for 2 hours for free everyday, while you work out. I really think and hope that I will take her there, because she needs it and that I will get the benefit of a workout, at least 3 times a week. Let's hope and cross our fingers. -- Because I want to be a mom that is healthy enough to play with Joslyn and I want to teach her good eating habits by being the example. 

One of the blogs I follow posted a very long blog that talked about spending our money and time on what God commands us to do instead of Black Friday Shopping and buying food so we can stuff our faces on turkey day. She also posted how she knows that she will offend some people but she needed to write that stuff. I commented that Jesus offended people all the time but did what was right and true. It is tough to speak your mind and stand up for what is right, especially when you know you will get persecuted for it. Matthew 5:10 says "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, 
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." -- that is why I want to be a person that follows the Lord no matter what happens in my life. 

And those are a few of the things I want to be when I grow up, How about you?

Thoughts of a not so thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time of happiness and cheer, or is it? I have learned so much about many things since wandering into Celebrate Recovery for the first time. So many things that have changed my views on life but one of the most surprising things I have learned  is that many people don't like or enjoy the holidays. It was a huge shock to me!

As a kid in a disfunctional family, I loved the holidays. When my dad left the house the first time, my life changed forever. Instead of Mom and Dad buying us presents, my mom would work and work and do everything she could to make sure that we would have a good Christmas. If mom would work on Christmas Eve, we would still have Christmas that night when she got home no matter what time it was. Then on Christmas day we would eat a big meal and visit family and friends. Thanksgiving was the same way. It was one guaranteed day that we would get to spend with mom. Time with mom was rare since she was always working. So after we ate ourselves silly we would clear the table and play cards! Laughing and hanging out around the card table was our favorite family past time. Even if we went to Grams's house the cards or dominoes would always come out! Such good memories are surrounded around my holidays!

But now that I have experienced life a little through recovery eyes, I can see why the holidays aren't always good occasions. First of all, the holidays usually bring back memories of loved ones that are no longer here.
I have a friend that lost her mother the other day. I went to the funeral for this lovely woman who was all about her family. But although she is in the best place you can be ( with Jesus) I imagine her family is really going to miss her tomorrow. Not to mention going through Christmas without their mother, wife, sister or grandma is going to be extra hard. So many people out there are going through life missing part of their family. It is easy to pretend that life is not hard without them when we keep busy, but when we have to slow down sometimes our mind goes overboard with memories. Some people are completely alone for many different reasons. Like my dad! Although alienating himself was his doing, the holidays can be very hard on him. And although he would probably not admit it, he would rather not be alone. So luckily John's family is very good about welcoming him in. We go get him on Thanksgiving and get to have much needed time with him and other family. Right now my mom is apart from us and I am very thankful for the friends she has that takes her in on Thanksgiving and Christmas when she can't come home.

Secondly, living with addiction is hard. And if you are a food addict like me Thanksgiving is a holiday where my addiction stares me in the face. But as hard as it is for a food addict during the holidays, it is nothing compared to dealing with an alcohol or drug addiction. Alcohol was never part of our holidays growing up, but I have learned that many families include alcohol as part of their family festivities. Now I am not judging anyone, so if you have alcohol or eggnog during your holidays don't think that I am saying anything to you. But  for drug and alcohol addicts. Holidays are really hard times. Many started their addictions because of events that happened in their families. Whether it was abuse of some kind or growing up with too strict of a lifestyle or many many other reasons, getting back together with that family and reliving that trauma is too much for some people to handle. Also, even if their family is not the reason for them to be in their addiction, sometimes hanging out with people that point out your addiction even if not on purpose, can be really hard. I also want to tell you that I have learned of many occasions where sexual abuse has happened within families and for whatever reason the victim lives in secret oppression from this person. Seeing this person during the holidays and other occasions, can be very traumatic if not dangerous.

Thirdly, holidays are very expensive and busy. We grew up poor in money but not in spirit. One of my mom's spiritual gifts is making friends. My mom can make anyone feel at home and can turn a stranger into a friend in minutes. Because of this, mom has always had many friends at church and at home. And mom's church family always took care of us during holidays where we were having trouble coming up with food or gifts. In fact, year round they were always there for us if we were in need of anything. But for many people asking for help is not second nature. Pride can cause many a man or woman to fall. And sometimes people don't know where to go for help. So spending the holidays without food or gifts to give your children can be devastating. Also, with the stores competing for your attention on the best deals on food and gifts, we can over spend so easily! Then along with dealing with after thanksgiving belly aches we are looking at our empty wallets and trying to figure out Christmas. Buying the biggest and best toys and games for your family can cause major headaches and heartaches. I have been invited by some of my friends to go with them Black Friday shopping. I would never do this. First of all, I can't stand crowds. Secondly, I am the complete opposite of a morning person and cannot stand getting up early. Thirdly, I believe that competing with others for perfectly meaningless reasons only causes more frustration and cause to forget what we are thankful for. I have always wanted to ask some of those crazy black Friday shoppers what they are thankful for while they are freezing their little tushes waiting for a store to open.

So the point to this very long monologue is that we should be mindful of why some people may not share your holiday spirit. And I am saying this to remind us of why we are all broken and we all need Jesus. And as His hands and feet we are to portray Jesus's love and message to the world. His second greatest commandment was to love your neighbor as yourself. So maybe the next time Mr. Scrooge gets in front of us in the grocery line, or passes us on the highway, we will show compassion and remember why Jesus came in the first place. And that is why Celebrate Recovery never has a night off. This Thanksgiving I am going to spend time with family during the day but at night as normal on a Thursday night, I will be spending time with my CR friends. Because recovery is a process and it doesn't stop because it is a holiday. Thank you for letting me share!

My best friend!

I have always had many different types of friends. Friends that were fun to hang out with. Friends that I can talk to and feel happy. And then there are those friends that I can cry to, yell at and  laugh my butt off with. The ones that are stable. And I want to introduce you to my best friend Greenie. Well her Real name is Tanya, but to me she will always be Greenie! Full name Greenie Beanie!

Greenie and I met in Metamora, Illinois at a girl scout camp called Tapawingo, in May of 1998. We had both signed up to be cooks for the summer with a program called Hungry Camper. I arrived by train to Bloomington, Illinois, then was driven by my new boss to the camp. When I arrived Greenie was standing outside our little cabin in the woods!  Isn't it cute! There were 2 cabins in the whole camp that had electricity and we were lucky enough to have one of them. So I introduced myself to her and we hit it off instantly. Soon we were old pals working together running the kitchen and causing all kinds of mayhem. Because of us working at a Girl Scout Camp, all the counselors and staff were supposed to have nicknames so that the girls didn't know our real names. I don't know why we needed them, but I had a name already from my first 2 summers of working with the Girl Scouts. My name was Brownie and hers was Greenie Beanie, shortened to Greenie! We always called each other by our camp names and got so used to it, we didn't need our real names. I had never had a friend like her before. We spent all our time together in the kitchen and out of it. We learned so much about each other and yet we still remained best of friends. She learned that it is best not to try and wake me up early and I learned not to go canoeing with her unless I wanted to do all the work She helped me learn so much about life. She was the smartest and most mature person I had ever met. She still is! During the camp days you could find us working in the kitchen, swimming at the pool, or singing at the campfires.  That is us right there, don't we look cool?

Both of us love to sing and her voice is phenomenal! We used to sing at our counselor cookouts, The Rose. And at the end of camp we even turned The Rose into our own special song The Rose of Tapawingo. The year I met Greenie was also the year I met my future husband John. And as I wrote letters to him that summer, I shared my thoughts and fears with Greenie. Her guidance helped me through the scary points of having a new relationship. Like when he had a motorcycle wreck and I couldn't be there with him, and when we said I love you the very first time. She laughed with me and cried with me and cooked with me and sang with me. What a blessing she is to me!
We even sang a song together called Chances Are and sent it on tape to John! How cheesy we were!






For two summers in a row we went to camp and spent the summers laughing and living. I felt that we were on a special world, cut off from the hard parts of life and hidden from the elements. She became my soul mate! Sorry John, it's true! I have never felt so at home with anyone else. After camp though, we found it hard to not let life get in between us. Greenie shipped off to Maine to get her Bachelor's Degree and I settled into married life. We talked quite often and even wrote journals back and forth to each other.
In 2003, I got to visit her in Maine and got to go to the ocean for the first time! I was like a kid in a candy

Greenie and Maia on Graduation day

store. I even made a castle! We had fun hanging out on the college campus and going to parties. I also met one of Greenie's new friends Abby, and learned to love her too! We all enjoyed hanging out and having a good time. The longer the years went though, the more we grew. Most friends I have had grow away from me. We end up at different points in life that don't mesh. Greenie and I never have. We always grow together! Sure we have both had really down points in our lives at different times, but instead of it pulling us apart, we grow even closer. She will always be someone I look up too.  Greenie started blogging before me and I was encouraged to blog by reading her work. Now granted she has a degree in writing and I can barely spell, but it doesn't matter. She is my best friend and that will always be! I love her and am thankful every day for her! Check out Greenie's blog here and her new blog that she writes to Joslyn, her goddaughter here! I am so proud to call her friend! To this day we still talk regularly and we plan to take a cruise in 2013 together. We even want to try and go to Italy in 2017 to take Joslyn on a tour of Europe! She is a big part of my life and I cherish every moment with her. Thank you Greenie for being my best friend!

Its Thirty Questions Thursday!

I was wanting to do something in celebration of my thirty followers today! I know that this doesn't sound like much, but remember if I get 100 followers I will get a tattoo! So in celebration of my 30 followers, I will answer 30 questions! Any 30 questions you want to ask. Embarrassing, funny, serious, anything you want to ask, I will answer truthfully! If you follow me through Facebook then just ask it there and I will add it. If you follow me through email, then just email me back and I will add it. I appreciate all of you! And your involvement in my big life change. So this is your chance to talk! Come on and get involved!

1 Have I ever read the whole Bible yet and what is my favorite book of the Bible? Great question! No I have not read the whole Bible yet tho it is on my adventure list I have read most of it and my favorite book is Romans. Every time I read any verse from there it is so profound I get a different view of what God is telling me. That is a great book! What are you all's favorite books of the Bible?

2 How is the diet thing coming? Also great question! I am doing well with my calorie intake, my food plan did not work like I planned out, mostly because I didn't follow it, but my weight fluctuates. I have lost ten pounds and then I gain it back and lose a few and gain it back, so I will say that I am at square one. But I have the opportunity to try out weight watchers for free thanks to a friend willing to pay for it. So I am considering trying it, I don't know tho. Anyone tried weight watchers? How did you like it?

3 As a Christ follower, what is the most important lesson you have learned the hard way that you wished someone would have told you? Awesome and tough question! Okay, so I guess that the hardest lesson I had to learn was that God truly forgave us. I had to go through about 6 months of depression before I was sent to a counselor to help me work through my issues. Turns out that I didn't think that God would forgive me for marrying a non Christian and I was afraid that He would take away my husband, for disobeying Him. My counselor also had a husband that wasn't a Christian and she was able to break down my fears and help me realize what insecurities I was holding onto. Before then I never thought that had done anything bad enough for God to be angry with me. Boy was I in denial!

4 Am I a Church of Christ Christian or in a deminational type of congregation? Awesome question!! I happen to go to church right now that is Church of God. My other CR family is Church of Christ. But I have gone to Baptist churches and evangelical, and many other. I firmly believe that non-denominational is my official title. I have seen such an amazing change in churches that have Celebrate Recovery, because it crosses the lines of denominations and really focuses on helping hurting people and drawing them to Christ. Period! No arguements about the little stuff and the non important important stuff. I truly believe that some churches do more damage than good, because they are more concerned about being right then leading someone to Christ. If Jesus were here today, hidden among st our community, would He be accepted and loved in those churches? Who knows. Okay sorry, off my soapbox now!

5 What item on my adventure list am I most afraid to do? Hmm, okay I think it would be the sky diving. Not because it is so high, but because I have to lose weight to do it. My weight would have to significantly decrease before I would be able to qualify to do it. Once I lose the weight, I think that it would be very liberating to do it though.

6 What Item on my adventure list that I have accomplished has brought me the most joy? Hmm, I think that it was the food fight! I really enjoyed having so many of my friends around me enjoying my adventure with me! I think we will definitely have to do that one again!

7What is the significance of Joslyn's 5th birthday to accomplish my goals? Well I realized that I needed a goal date for sure. And 5 years seemed like a good time frame. But one of the biggest reasons is that I didn't want Joslyn growing up with the fears and the insecurities I have for life. I figure that if I were to accomplish most of these things before she starts school, home or regular, then maybe she would have a better quality life.
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Responding with Grace

Joslyn Halloween 2011

Oh, how I wish that I could say that this is easy. I thought being a mom would be easy for me. I have always been good with children, and I waited a long time, learning so much along the way. So, when I find myself at odds with my toddler a lot lately, I feel like a failure. Terrible two's is no joke. Joslyn is only 22 months old and they say that this lasts till 4 years old?!?!!! Some days I hang my head and cry. She purposely does things she isn't supposed to. All day long it is a battle from morning to night. It is exhausting and hard to have a defiant child. I am a peacemaker, I want quiet and calm in my house. But when you get me angry I do not bring peace not anymore.

I have been a codependent person for most of my life. Before Celebrate Recovery, If you made me mad; I would cry, stew about it, blow up or hold it in, and forgive you, because losing a friend was devastating to my ego. It was worse to lose a friend in my mind then to be misused or walked on by one. Once I worked the 12 steps I became aware of these problems. I learned that instead of having feelings of my own, I either ignored my feelings or picked up feelings from those around me. Now, I have feelings, lots of them and I don't like them all. I get mad, really mad sometimes. This is hard to admit, because I liked not feeling anything. I liked not responding. But not responding, hurts me. It hurts more than standing up for myself. Because I realize who I am. I am a child of God! I am made in His image. So when I let others destroy me I am personally hurting God. His child, whom He loves and sent His Son to die for.

So I respond! But responding with anger? That wasn't part of my plan? I don't like to get angry. And I am afraid of getting angry. What if I get angry with Joslyn and hurt her feelings? What if I screw her up? These are some of the things that this screwed up momma thinks about. So many more what if's and what to do's. But God is working on me about responding with grace. There are many times and instances I do respond with grace. In traffic for instance...

I was riding with a friend a couple of weeks ago. She is a great friend and we always have lots to talk about and we have lots of fun. But, I learned something about her that day. She has road rage. I have heard about this but have never known anyone to have it. I was shocked at some of the things she said while driving and how her whole world was altered by the other drivers. It made me think, at how my responses are still based on others. When Joslyn runs away from me the hundredth time, or takes of her diaper again, or rips up another book, I respond to her actions. But if I am living a life that reflects God then I would respond like Jesus did. And Jesus and God respond with grace.

I wonder if God responded to me the millions of time I ran away the way I do with Joslyn, how I would be? I also wonder how awful my life would be if God never responded to me? Both reactions make me sad and embarassed. I don't want to live a life that deflects God but reflects Him!!! And I have learned that responding with grace is something that I learn over and over. Because God responds to me with grace over and over. Only because of what He did for me, I can do for others. I also learn that God puts people in my life that can help me stay accountable with that. When I respond with grace to something that you are struggling with, you are able to respond with grace for something else. This is how we share God's grace and love, is by helping others. Thank you for responding with grace to me and keeping me accountable. Now I need to go clean up another mess and use wisely this opportunity to respond with grace.

Adventure 12

Today was an awesome day! We went on an impromptu visit to The Sam Noble Museum. This is a great museum, full of dinosaur bones...

and a dog exhibit..

and other really cool displays...

and an awesome guy that has a really cool animal collection....

Joslyn touching a bull snake

A bull snake

An Emperor Scorpion

A South American Tarantula

But the coolest thing about this day was that I got to fulfill my 12th Adventure from my Adventure List . Something I didn't know how it was going to happen. But it was awesome and really neat! This guy knew his stuff and really has a passion for these creatures! I will never look at them the same way again! you have to wait till the end of the video, but it is worth it!

What a neat day! And before you ask, no I wasn't scared. I normally would be shaking scared. After all this was an Oklahoma tarantula, a wild tarantula, he had caught this particular tarantula 2 weeks before! But this wonderful guy conveyed such a passion for these creatures that he made me see them as the creatures God made. The ones that Adam named and the ones we are designed to take care of. Believe me this is not how I came into this world feeling about spiders, but I was truly changed today! WOW! God is good! And I like to think that He was probably proud of me a little today!

Corinthian writers

"You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."
2 Corinthians 3:3


We are to be the letters of Christ. Speaking only truth and love to others. There are many ways to show God's love! And the way God has shown me that we are to focus that love is through letters. There is power in written word. I know that Paul didn't have email or facebook, but I can't help but think that if he had all the technology we did that he would still hand write his letters. I think as a society that we enjoy our technology a little too much! Don't get me wrong I love Facebook and email and mobile phones and laptops. But, no email can compare to getting a letter in the mail. And no amount of Facebook can substitute for real face time!

As a young teenager, I was blessed to be a part of Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Not long after joining the program, I got to meet Tina my new big sister! I was thrilled! Sometimes we went to lunch and other times we went to movies. But the overall feeling I remember about being with Tina was that I had someone to talk to about my crazy life. It didn't matter what was going on in my life I could always talk to her. And still to this day she is my big sister. We eat lunch together and get our kids together and she still gives me great advice! I love her and it will never matter that we are not blood related. I love the BBBS program! But it is a long complicated process to become a big sister. Their are background checks and house inspections. It's almost like getting checked out to become a foster parent! Then if you get approved, you get a kiddo and you have to spend a certain amount of time with them and it usually requires money. Most of these kids are poor, so you want to spend money on them and take them places. I think this is awesome, but I know of so many women young and older that would be great mentors to girls and boys, but can't go through that process or can't afford it.
God has put pen pals on my mind for awhile. I kept thinking how wonderful it would be if Joslyn had someone to write to and talk to. I mean what a wonderful gift it would be to have a friend across the world! But what would be more amazing is if the person who wrote to her was a woman with strong Christian values and a heart for God! Someone that could be her friend and love her for who she is and possibly give her advice when she doesn't want to talk to mom anymore.
So many young girls out there don't have any parents to talk to. They don't have a Christian influence in their lives to help them make good decisions. Most of them only make decisions based on their friends opinions or based upon their lack of caring people. What if we could put a Christian woman in their life for only the cost of an envelope and stamp! This is what this ministry is to me, this is what I was designed for!
So let me say that there is so much to do! I have a small group of women that have agreed to be a part of this ministry. But God has laid it upon my heart to ask you! Can you write? Can you afford a stamp and paper? Do you love God with all of your heart? Them you can be a part of this ministry! You don't have to live close to me. You just need about an hour to make a difference in some ones life. I also need some more ministry leaders! Has this touched you? Do you feel that you can make a bigger impact by praying for the ministry, designing the ministry, or helping us find writers or girls? Then we need you! We also need some wonderful Christian men to step up so that we can be bringing this ministry to young men eventually. So there it is! What I have been working on! So what can you do?

Book Review - The MenD'lee The Lekton Chronicles by Zann Corrie Kennedy

The MenD'lee is the first installment of a fascinating science fiction tale that has a great moral background. The characters are unique and full of surprises. Kennedy's moral behind the story keeps you thinking beyond the pages and into everyday life. You will love this book!

Melenta Cha'atre is from a far away planet. A planet that is beautiful and intriguing on the outside, with it's purple skies and sweet fragrance. But Lekton, is a planet that holds tight to it's traditions. Traditions that say the father is the dictator and ruler of the household. He chooses what happens to his children, from which school they are to attend to whom they marry. But Melenta was born to change these traditions! She knows it in her heart! It's a wild ride as we follow Melenta's journey to change her planet. She must challenge everyone she knows and loves to become the person she dreams of being. But will she become her planet's savior The MenD'lee?

I have to tell you that I don't read books twice. I usually read a book so quickly that after a week or so all that remains in my mind is the basic story. But, I find myself coming back to this book again. Wanting to reread the pages that hold so many clues to this exciting world. Don't skip the prologue! You will want to because of it's pages filled with history and confusing new worlds. But, you will find yourself coming back to it  if you don't read it, it is necessary to the story line . Other than learning the history and the occasional new language, the book flows easily. I found myself hurting with her and rejoicing with her. There is an ongoing spiritual theme behind this book with The All -Wise, who Melenta believes to be helping her in her quest. I love that the book takes you through the emotional gambit without leaving you emotionally scarred. The only part that I do not like about this book is that it is not finished. Being the first installment, we have to wait to find out Melenta's destiny. But because of that, we want more! And more! I would recommend this book to everyone, but watch out because you will get hooked! You will be like me waiting and waiting for the next book!

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What He is doing now!

Friday I spent the morning in prayer and research with one of my new ministry leaders! EEK! It sounds so good to say that! I am part of a ministry team. A ministry that God is showing me will do wonders! I ministry that every time I dream about it seems to be bigger and bigger! Okay sorry, started dreaming again. HEHE!

So we prayed and researched our ministry in the Bible and listened to God. And I have to tell you that I expected to have to wait awhile until God answered. But as we researched, He in His Awesome wonderfulness lead us to the perfect verse for this ministry in about an hour! What an amazing feeling to get validation from God that this is not just a dream! I have had ideas in the past and ran with it and regretted it. It wasn't God's plan but mine. You see I am kind of silly that way.Normally, I have to wait until God hits me over the head to understand His will. But even then, He always used my failures as part of His plans! What a Father we have! He is full of Grace and love that is endless! How amazing is that! That He knows my failures and uses them for His glory and a tool to show me His love! Tell me where else do you get love like that?

So I know you are dying to know what this ministry is going to be about! And I really want to tell you, but not yet! You see I need direction. God's direction! I want this to be His ministry! I need Him to guide my directions, and I don't think that it's time just yet. But don't worry I am not going to leave you completely hanging! I am going to give you the Bible verse! 2 Corinthians 3:3. Look it up and let me know what you think! I can't wait to hear your responses!

What He is doing!

This morning I am in awe of how God plans on using me. Lowly me. Me who screws up more than not. Me who  can't do anything fantastically, but can do a few things well. I am not spectacular, I am not wonderful. Most days I struggle with things that come between me and God. Struggle with being a mom of a toddler, struggle with my food addiction, struggle with planning and maintaining my finances. And yet He chose ME??? How can I describe the feeling of awesomeness that GOD is? The weaker I am the stronger He gets. The more I can't carry the more HE carries for me. The more I screw up the more Grace I am shown by Him. What a privilege! When I am low and think God can't use anyone like me, I think of all the screw ups in the Bible who God used. Saul, one of the biggest screw-ups around, became Paul a champion and legacy for God's forgiveness and love! Lord make me like Paul! Use my hurts habits and hangups to change me into a champion for you! Blind me with your light and help me to see clearly the path that you have lit for me. Thank you Lord for using me, and for giving me everything!

This week I have been given a gift, a glimpse of a the future of a ministry that I am supposed to start. A picture of a ministry that  seems so big in nature that it scares me to think of how it will happen. How I might screw it up? What we could do wrong. But what if we could do it right? What if this ministry brings people to the Lord? What if it changes only one life? Wouldn't it be worth it? Yes, I believe it would!

 So as I gather a ministry team together, would you commit to praying for us. I know I haven't told you the ministry yet and I don't even know what the Ministry will be called. But God does! And thankfully this ministry is in His hands and not only in mine, cause you know I would screw it up! Please specifically pray that God will guide me to the right people to run this ministry and that He will constantly bring me to my knees in prayer for this ministry. I love you all and value your friendships. Thank you for all you do!