To lose or to win.

Today as I was reading through the blogs that I follow, I noticed something that struck me. It was a blog about how a mother feels pressured to stop having children because people think it would be easier. She related to the diaper changing stage of life as a way of serving God and that when the changing diapers is over God will keep her busy with other things that follow His path. It was a beautiful analogy and I enjoyed the reading. But the comments reminded me of why I don't read a lot of mom blogs. A beautiful blog gets commented on by many people and then suddenly they are commenting on other comments and debating on how many kids one should have, whether to use cloth or disposable diapers, stay-at-home or work. A simple friendly banter turns to ugliness and misunderstood comments. Hurt feelings and the need to prove that one way is better than the other.

I think most families have certain things they fight about. Relationships, religion, politics,all sorts of stuff. There were 3 things you didn't talk about in my extended family unless you wanted a fight; politics, religion, and my dad. My sister and I warned our friends and men of this before introducing them to certain people. I got so sick of people fighting over things they could not change. If you can't make the situation better then why fight over it? I got to the point that even friendly debates got my nerves a tingling. I would have to leave the room!

What turns us into these people? The need to express our opinions turn into some sort of battle over unimportant things. We have the need to fight it out. I remember Andy Stanley telling a story about a family that came into him for counseling. The dad was very upset because his daughter fell in love with a guy from a different race and a different culture. He had the Bible in his hands and was screaming and yelling passages from the Bible on why it was wrong. His daughter and boyfriend showed up and were trying to explain their love transcended race and rules. The father finally pulled out a piece of paper that declared that he had the right to arrest his daughter and bring her back with him. Andy finally pulled the dad aside and said that he could arrest his own daughter to be right, and lose his daughter. Or he could lose the argument and win her heart. He decided to lose the argument. Andy kept up with family and a year later he spoke with them. The girl and the boyfriend were good friends but ended the relationship because they were heading different directions.  The dad had started sending his daughter love letters and their relationship was better than ever. Now, had he chosen a different path; imagine the hurt and devastation he would have caused over a now pointless argument. 

So what happens when you lose an argument? Do you become bitter and enraged? Do you become humble? Do you walk away in shame? I think it is so important to teach our children not to become sore losers, but it is just as important to teach them how to be humble winners. What is the purpose of a win? How will it affect the other person/people. Was the battle worth the cost? Am I showing God's love no matter win or lose? 

I hope so!