My story!

Growing up in the church, I was used to hearing people's testimony. Fabulous missionaries telling their wonderful stories of salvation and discovery. Or sometimes it would be a dramatic story of heartbreak to triumph when God was discovered as the answers to everything. All wonderful stories that would move my heart and bring tears to my eyes. I wanted that! I didn't want the heartbreak or the hardtimes that come with missionary work, but I did long for the drama. I know what you are thinking! Drama! Who would ever want that? But as a teenager I longed for it.

I wanted to experience the unknown of the world (still do). I wanted to feel love that moved mountains when it was strong and caused earthquakes when it fell apart. I wanted to be so inspiring that people couldn't help but want to be near me, (I know, childish dreams). And I wanted to be a part of something so revolutionary, that we could see and hear and feel the world changing around us. Now that's dramatic!

When I accepted Christ in my heart at the age of five in my bedroom with my mom praying the prayer with me, I was immediately filled with happiness. But as a teenager I would watch people come to Christ after having such tragedy and heartaches in their lives, and you would see them transform in front of you. The next few weeks they would be spouting off Bible verses and telling others about the change God has made in them. They would glow with Jesus and they would yern for the Bible like it was the new gossip column that you couldn't wait to get your hands on. I would long for that feeling. The Bible was like old news to me. I knew that it was good news, but it was old news. I had heard it, I had gotten over the shiny new luster of the print that transformed lives and brought about change.

Now I know how selfish I sound. I felt selfish too. I didn't understand how wonderful I had it. People would tell me that I was lucky to grow up knowing Christ and I was. So very lucky, but I would see them changing lives and influencing people and I couldn't get over it. I longed for that one thing that would make me unique, that would bring me peace and make me inspiring. I did have a dramatic life and I did influence people and I was and still am a part of something revolutionary. I just didn't know it. I was lost in my own pain and trapped by my fear.

3 years ago I walked into this little program at my church called Celebrate Recovery. I went to learn tools on how to help a couple of teenagers I knew that were hurting. it didn't take long for me to realize that I was hurting as well. So I committed myself to the program and to learning more about helping myself break down walls that I have built and distinguish the lies from the truth. It was the devil that told me that I had nothing to offer. It was him that made me feel uninspiring. AND it was him that brought pain and hurt in my life to keep me from growing closer to God. But the worst thing I learned was that it was me who stopped living because of those lies and fear.

The biggest lesson that I have learned is that dramatic people move. Dramatic people risk. There are really dramatic people out there that scare me. Have you ever met someone out there that was so crazy and revolutionary that you are afraid of them? Or maybe afraid of being seen with them? When we have a God that made the universe and you and me. A God that takes care of every creature on this Earth and knows the number of hairs on your head, what do we have to be afraid of? Yet sometimes the most crippling thing that can happen to us is fear. I was afraid to move. I was afraid to risk anything. Love, my life, my heart, my story. Well no more.

Celebrate Recovery brought me past those lies and pain to be able to see my testimony. The story that God has written for me to tell. This week, I told a portion of my story to some of my dear friends at CR. God isn't through writing my story yet, but I can tell you this. The rest of my story is going to be full of love that moves mountains, inspiration that brings people together, unknown worldly stories that get discovered, and a revolution that changes the world. How do I know? Because I am moving, I step at a time, toward that path that God has designed for me. A story towards greatness. What is your story?

ps. If you want to hear my story, you need to take a step. Email me!