Learning a little about my past can change my future

Let me first tell you a little about me. I am a 31 year old stay at home mom, to a new baby girl who is 4 months old. When I got pregnant after 9 years of trying to have a baby with my wonderful husband of 10 years, I was very unhealthy. Being pregnant was a wonderful experience for me, not only did I enjoy every move and kick, but I was healthier then I have been in a while. No sinus problems, almost no weight gain, only 12 pounds, and I felt good. After she was born my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home with her. I had a great job but it was a no brainer.

When Joslyn came into the world I knew that she would change my life. I have always tried to help others as much as possible, but the one thing I never have been good at was taking care of my self. I spent so much time taking care of others so I would not have to take care of me and deal with my own issues of insecurity, codependency, and food addiction. I visited a local church and started going to Celebrate Recovery . It was a wonderful program and I would recommend it to anyone. After finishing the 12 step program, God soon blessd me with my wonderful child.

For the first few months of her life I began to notice certain things about my life that I did not want Joslyn to do. One thing for sure was the "me" attitude! I have some great friends, don't get me wrong, but certain people I love have the wrong attitude about life. It's not about us, this life of ours. God didn't put me on this earth for me, he put me on this earth to tell others about Him. Now, I get that most people can't stand the Bible beaters of this world. I can't either. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I love Jesus with all my heart! But I want people to wonder why my life is so different. I want mine and my family's hearts and lives to explode with so much joy that people can't help but ask.

Secondly, I went through a mini depression state when I had my baby, this seems to happen to me when something really good happens in my life. Chalk it up to my childhood, I have major abandonment issues. When things get good, I fear that they wont stay that way, instead of enjoying it. This is going to change. I am determined to enjoy life if it kills me, get it? since we all die anyways, I am going to attempt to give this fear thing a run for it's money.

I noticed that the kind of life I wanted was a more simple one. John and I were determined to get out of our slump, so we decided to move to the country. I know that this sounds crazy but for us it is working. I wanted to start enjoying my family, so we decided not to get cable. At the present time, we have no television at all. Don't get me wrong we have a tv, a couple of them, and we can only watch movies on them, which we do together as a family most nights. We also spend sometime looking at the stars, which are beautiful out in the country, and enjoying nature. I noticed that the more I was away from the advertisements, the more my need for the newest, baddest thing went away. And the more I loved and treasured the things I have.

I feel very lucky to get to share this life with those I love and maybe you can share it with me too. The pic is me 9 months pregnant.

Preview: tomorrow I will share some of the things that I plan on doing to make this change possible, stay tuned....